Will Whoever Left Their Crazy Racist Uncle in the White House, Come Get Him. He’s Tweeting Again

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The president of people who believe that ketchup is spicy knows that barring Russian interference, a Twitter hack or some other form of espionage, his best chance to stay in the White House is to use Twitter to create fear and pandemonium, so he is doing just that.


Around noon Wednesday, before the president punched a baby goat (which I believe is called a goatee) in the face and directly before he cracked and ate an ostrich egg raw, he reportedly tweeted that “Joe Biden and the Radical Left want to Abolish Police, Abolish ICE, Abolish Bail, Abolish Suburbs, Abolish the 2nd Amendment – and Abolish the American Way of Life.” I say “reportedly” because the words are all spelled correctly, the comma placement seems to be OK and there is no overuse of exclamation marks, which is usually a dead giveaway that the tweet has, in fact, been written by Trump. There are the random capitalizations of “Police,” “Bail,” etc. so I must say “reportedly.”

And because Trump is nothing if not a racist dog whistle who turns out to be a racist sheet cake, he ended his tweet with the ominous: “No one will be SAFE in Joe Biden’s America!”

Bitch, no one is safe now. Not even white people, whom Trump adores.

Trump campaign national press secretary Hogan Gidley delivered a similar message on Trump’s OnlyFans site, Fox News.

“He’ll pop out of his basement every once in a while to say ‘Defund the police!’” Gidley claimed. “Our jobs aren’t safe, families aren’t safe, and our American way of life is not safe ... Joe Biden is waging war on all three.”

In case you are too young to have seen the racist movies of the 1990s like B.A.P.S. or Rocky V, (I have no idea if Rocky V is racist, but I know that no one has seen this so I should be safe) stoking white fear is right out of the racist’s playbook. The next chapter is “Black Men Will Have Sex With Your Sacred White Women.” Be prepared for a Trump tweet that will claim that if Biden is elected, he will make February 11 “Black Penis Day.”


Clearly I’m joking. Or am I?



I cannot wait for the debates, where president sniffy-sniff has to go toe to toe with someone who’s had his number from day one.

Also, I’m really hoping Biden just walks over and lands a haymaker on captain anus-mouth here. That’s really the only reason I’m going to watch them, honestly.