Illustration for article titled White-on-White Violence: Piers Morgan and Rudy Giuliani Engage in the Worst emVerszuz/em Battle Ever
Screenshot: ITV

I don’t know what started it, and truthfully, I don’t care. But at some point during an interview between antifa and the Proud Boys, the mud started slinging, the wheels fell off the wagon and mayonnaise went flying everywhere.

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In what can only be called white-on-white violence, Piers Morgan and Rudy Giuliani got into a heated battle to declare who is the worst steaming pile of potato hash. Truthfully, this is the Verzuz battle I’ve been waiting for. It’s literally like watching a snake battle a rat and rooting for violent destruction.

I guess Piers Morgan is on a show called Good Morning Britain or some shit, who knows. But on Thursday morning, his guest was Rudy Giuliani and his fake top teeth. Giuliani’s top teeth are on full Denzel.

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Illustration for article titled White-on-White Violence: Piers Morgan and Rudy Giuliani Engage in the Worst emVerszuz/em Battle Ever

For those not in the know, Morgan, a hot glass of dumpster juice, “was fired as editor of one of Britain’s biggest papers in 2004 after publishing fake photographs of U.K. troops urinating on Iraqi prisoners, and his CNN show Piers Morgan Live was axed in 2014 due to extremely bad ratings,” the Daily Beast reports.

Giuliani, a steaming pile of dog shit, “has been reduced from being named Time magazine’s Person of the Year for 2001 to screaming about Trumpist conspiracy theories on any cable news channel which is still willing to run the risk of broadcasting his wildly unpredictable stream of consciousness live on television,” the Daily Beast explains.

Not sure who thought it was a good idea to have these two losers on the same show, but give that person a raise!

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I guess the two were talking about the George Floyd protests (again, do you really give a shit what either of these two people thinks about the death of a black man while in Minneapolis police custody?) and somewhere in all of it, the interview between a failed loser and a failed loser derailed straight to Loserville.

“I’m sorry, but you sound completely barking mad, do you know that? You’ve lost the plot and it’s sad to see,” Morgan said, which is funny AF. To tell someone that you’re interviewing that they sound like a fucking lunatic is just amazing television. We continue.

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Giuliani got all old-white-guy-huffy and shouted: “You’re the one who got thrown off the television here because you had ratings that were about two...I know what happened to your show here Piers, and I remember the mistakes you made and I remember how you [inaudible] up.”

The Daily Beast notes that because Giuliani was piping hot and had those big-ass top teeth in his mouth, it was hard to decipher whether or not he said, “fucked up.”

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The hosts apologized for Giuliani’s language and Giuliani apologized for his teeth. OK, fine, he didn’t apologize for his teeth but he should have. He just denied that he used a curse word.

The battle continued: “Don’t give me that stuff, I know who you are, you can say anything you want about me, but you’re defaming my president and helping to create violence in this country,” Teethiani said.

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Morgan, who knows how to wade in these muddy waters, calmly stated: “When I used to interview you, you were an intelligent, reasonable man and you’ve gone completely mad and you sound deranged. You’re abusive, and it’s really sad to see what’s happened to you.”

Boom! It’s this level of caring shade that really cuts. It’s the shade that is disguised as concern for your mental health but really it’s just calling someone batshit crazy. This is nuanced shade—it takes time to cultivate and Morgan used it nicely.

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“It’s really sad to see the way your career imploded in the United States, Piers. If you think I have any respect for you after this, or maybe you don’t care, but everyone in America knows you’re a failed journalist,” Teethie G said, letting the choppa spray.

Morgan remembered that it was his show and he didn’t have to put up with Teeth Sweat treating him like this.

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“You’ve come on here, you’ve been rude and abusive. You sound unhinged, you’ve been using profanity and you were somebody I used to admire,” he said, the Daily Beast reports.

“What profanity did I use, liar?” John Wilkes Tooth said. “I didn’t use any profanity...You tell me the profanity I used. That’s exactly what you do to President Trump, it’s disgraceful,” Teethus said about President Reesie.

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And with that, Teeth-Boz was cut off and sent on his way.

Watch the gloriousness below:

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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