White-on-White Crime: Tom Arnold's Posse and Mark Burnett Gang Throw Hands at Emmy Party

(L-R)Tom Arnold, Producer Mark Burnett and actress Roma Downey
(L-R)Tom Arnold, Producer Mark Burnett and actress Roma Downey
Photo: Jesse Grant/Chad Hurst (Getty Images)

As further proof that white culture continues to promote senseless violence, reality show producer Mark Burnett and Tom Arnold, the guy who always talks like he just inhaled an unknown but refreshing powder given to him by an anonymous man with a Columbian accent in the bathroom, were reportedly involved in a tussle that probably resembled two rats fucking in a church sock.


In a situation closely resembling rapstress Nikki Minaj’s fight with Cardi B, whose given names are Nicole Menagerie and Cardigan Brownshire (Yes, I gave them those names), but with very different outcomes, on Monday morning, Los Angeles police officers told the Hollywood Reporter that they were aware of a thugged out gang fight at da club between the two chicken cutlet-looking gentlemen after Tom Arnold took to social media to accuse Burnett of attacking him.

The beef supposedly started because the hood says Tom Arnold has been in the streets dry snitching on Burnett, accusing Burnett of hiding footage of Donald Trump using the n-word on the set of The Apprentice.

Well, Burnett has been telling Arnold to keep his name out of his mouth, but Variety reports that Tom gave an interview to Salon that went live right before the party, saying that he was going to fuck up Mark Burnett “on sight.”

So Arnold rolls into the party with his crew, including the Suge Knight of documentary films, Bryan Fogel. When Fogel and Arnold spotted Burnett chilling with his posse, including Jeff Probst, the host of one of Burnett’s reality shows, Survivor, well... “On sight” means on sight.

Burnett reportedly lost a gold chain, which, I’m guessing that Burnett, a deeply religious man, lost when he told Arnold that if he doesn’t get the fuck out of his face, he “swear fo’ God,” he was gonna shoot Arnold a “fair one.” Arnold refused to listen, so Burnett probably misplaced his crucifix when he actually used it to swear before God.


Security eventually broke up the scuffle and wrangled the two men outside of the party. But unlike the confrontation between heralded rappers Nikkesha Monopoly and Cartographer Biologist, the Variety story says the two white men were not ejected from the party.

That can’t be right.

What was different about a fight between two grown men vs a rap beef between the esteemed mistresses Nickelodeon Miniscule and Cardstock Bertram?


Things got even more ghetto when Burnett’s wife got into a ratchet-ass Twitter fight with Arnold about the incident. There was supposedly even some chain-snatching involved. I don’t know why people even let these kinds of animals into nice, family gatherings, but I guess someone invited them.


After hearing about pink shirts and gold chains, many Twitter users probably thought they had awakened in 1996 and were reading tweets about a fight between Dipset and Bad Boy. I don’t know why these men would risk their careers like this because it is very ungentlemanlike.

I think it’s their music.

I don’t know even know what the fuck Anthrax is talking about, but it sounds so aggressive. And have you ever heard that guy Post Malone? I don’t listen to Eminem, but when anyone asks me about his music, I simply pretend as if I’ve heard it by just saying: “Yeah, I really like that one about murder. And that track about raping and drugs? Dope!”


I just hope they have some extra security at the Emmys just to keep an eye on those people. That’s why I don’t go anywhere where their kind hangs out. They’re always starting shit like wars, genocide, heinous potato salad recipes... If you wonder why we can’t have nice things, it’s because of thugs like this who mess it up for everyone.

But you know what they say:

You can take the white man out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the white man.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.


Monique Judge

This is tooooooooooo funny.