Then-Assistant U.S. Attorney General Christopher Wray at the podium at the Justice Department on Nov. 4, 2003, in Washington, D.C. (Mark Wilson/Getty Images)
Then-Assistant U.S. Attorney General Christopher Wray at the podium at the Justice Department on Nov. 4, 2003, in Washington, D.C. (Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

On the eve of ex-FBI Director James Comey’s highly anticipated Senate testimony, President Twitter Fingas took to social media, as he’s been recklessly known to do, to announce that his new pick for Comey’s post is Christopher Wray.


Make no mistake about it—the announcement that Comey’s replacement has been found, just a day before the fired FBI director who was investigating the president’s involvement with Mother Russia testifies, is totally intentional. Never forget, President Vladimir TrumPutin is a reality star-turned-president who still hasn’t realized that he’s running a country and not a television show.

Not only has it been reported that he plans to live-tweet during Comey’s testimony, but forcing the press to dig up info on the president’s new pick the day before that testimony falls in line with this wayward administration’s belief that all press is good press.


As such, here is everything we know about Christopher Wray, President Vladimir TrumPutin’s pick for the FBI top spot.

He was an assistant attorney general under President George W. Bush.

This serves no purpose other than noting that he is familiar with working for an asshole, so he will have no problem working with an arguably even bigger asshole. From 2003 t0 2005 he ran the Justice Department’s criminal division and was a member of the “Corporate Fraud Task Force and oversaw the fraud prosecutions of former executives at Enron Corp.,” USA Today reports.

He holds two degrees from Yale.

He holds a Bachelor of Arts from Yale University and a J.D. from Yale Law School, which means a lot if you have feelings about white guys who graduate from Yale (petty Yale alert). He also hails from a family of lawyers and has been in private practice for more than a decade, according to U.S. News & World Report.


He was New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s lawyer in the bridge-gate scandal.

The only good thing to come out of this administration is that years ago, when Chris Christie was a federal prosecutor, he prosecuted Trump’s son-in-law Jared “Got Dem Visas” Kushner’s father. As such, Christie won’t ever be a part of Trump’s White House. But that doesn’t mean that Trump can’t pull on Christie’s homies. Wray, it turns out, was Christie’s counsel when Gov. Cake Boss allegedly used all his political power to exact revenge on a mayor in New Jersey by fucking up traffic at the George Washington Bridge because he’s a reported asshole.


According to Politico, Wray is the key figure in ensuring that Christie has faced no charges in bridge-gate. The political website also noted that Wray became a central figure in bridge-gate after Gov. Cake Boss’ phone, which was reportedly used to text others about the bridge-gate, went missing and was later found to be in Wray’s possession.

Wray still has to be confirmed, but there is little reason to believe that there will be much objection.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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