We all know that in life, catastrophe can and will happen. Things that run will stop working; people you love won’t live forever, and all the Kardashians will. But if only there were an average person to show us the way. Just a regular Joe walking among us and living in, say, Kansas City, Mo.
I’ve found him. On Wednesday, around 9:15 p.m., a man walked into a Kansas City Jimmy John’s and ordered a sandwich. Instead of reaching for his wallet, the man grabbed his handgun and pointed it at the cashier, the Kansas City Star reports.
Thanks to police surveillance video released Thursday, we are all able to see the cashier, who has a Chuck Norris-like ability to be unfazed by the gun in his face, calmly remove his work glove so as not to get food on the robber’s money. The cashier, who is cooler than a polar bear’s toenails, begins emptying the cash from the register.
The robber can be seen cocking his gun and waving it at the man behind the cash register, who looks as if this guy isn’t holding a fucking gun in his face. The robber, realizing that the gun isn’t having the effect that a gun should have, then waves the cocked gun in the cashier’s face. The cashier doesn’t even take a step back because he knows something we don’t, and we need him to share it with us.
Maybe the cashier is secretly a superhero. Maybe the cashier is really a Zen kung fu master who has disarmed criminals like this so much that it’s just second nature. Maybe disarming thugs is his first job and making sandwiches is his cover.
Whatever the deal, the cashier, cool as the other side of the pillow, doesn’t flinch. He hands the man the money and the robber jets.
And while the video doesn’t continue, I believe that the cashier grabbed another pair of gloves and went back to taking the next order, all while letting customers know that the store would be doing card transactions only.
KMBC reports that the robber was arrested.
Watch the ninja-esque, meditative, Zen-like cashier in action below.