Russian President Vladimir Putin is having quite the week.
Not only did he get the president of the United States to publicly kiss his ass on national television, he totally played the president’s favorite news station during an interview.
While sitting with Chris Wallace from America’s version of RT News (maybe, Fox News can change its name to YT News....See what I did there? I’m here all week. Seriously.), Putin not only didn’t want to see a copy of the indictments of 12 Russian military officials, he wouldn’t even touch those shits.
Wallace went for the “gotcha” moment when he took out the documents claiming that Russians hacked “Democratic Party computers” and that they “stole damaging emails and spread the stolen information to disrupt the 2016 U.S. presidential election,” according to the New York Post.
Putin, who already knows all the shit that’s been hacked because he’s behind all of it...allegedly ( I see you legal!), refused to even look at the documents.
While I don’t speak Russian, I do speak “Nigga, if you don’t get the fuck out of here with those documents” and I can assure you that my interpretation of the encounter is correct.
“May I give this to you to look at, sir? Here,” Wallace said, as he tried to hand Putin the papers.
Putin looks at the papers and then back up at Wallace.
“What are you trying to do, get my fingerprints on some komrpormat?!”
A puzzled Wallace looks longingly at his hand still holding the documents.
“Playa, you might as well go ahead and throw those shits on the table ’cause you know good and well I ain’t touching that.”
Wallace tries to interject—
“You got me fucked up,” Putin shouts. “All. The. Way.”
A dejected Wallace places the documents along with two acorn-shaped, powdered donuts believed to be Wallace’s balls on the table between them.
Fine, here’s what Putin really said: “Interference with the domestic affairs of the United States—do you really believe that someone acting from the Russian territory could have influenced the United States and influenced the choice of millions of Americans?” Putin told Wallace, the Post reports. “This is utterly ridiculous.”
In what might have been Putin’s most quasi-honest answer, he added that Trump was a nobody before winning the Republican bid to run for president. Prior to Trump winning the Republican nomination, Putin noted that Trump was just another rich, white man who hosted some mediocre beauty shows that don’t have shit on the Bronner Bros. International Hair Shows.
“I don’t want to insult President Trump when I say this—and I may come as rude—but before he announced that he will run for presidency, he was of no interest for us,” Putin said.
“He was a rich person, but, well, there’s plenty of rich persons in the United States. He was in the construction business. He organized the beauty pageants. But no, it would never occur to anyone that he would think of running for president.”
In a shocking moment of actual journalism from YT News, Wallace actually asked Putin a tough question. Wallace wanted to know why so many of Putin’s opponents “end up dead or close to it?”
Putin cleared his throat and then began singing:
I don’t know
What this world’s gonna bring
But I know one thing
That this is the life for me
Baby, ‘cause I’m a thug
All day, every day
Baby, ‘cause I’m a thug
Wouldn’t change for the world
Fine. Fine. Much like Trump, Putin deflected and then shit on America.
“Haven’t presidents been killed in the United States? Have you forgotten about—well, has Kennedy been killed in Russia or in the United States? Or Mr. King?” he responded, the Post reports.
Yoooooo, shout out to Putin for mixing up Mr. King—it’s actually Dr. King—with the president of the United States. It’s fucked up that he started in with presidents as he kind of pigeonholed himself there, but we get the point.
After the interview was over, Wallace noted that his Putin sitdown might have been his best interview. Wallace also took a jab at President Trump noting that handing Putin the indictment paperwork was probably “something that I suspect President Trump did not do in their meeting,” he said, the Post reports.
Can someone give Wallace his nuts back?
Watch the interview below: