Odell Beckham Jr.
Photo: Al Bello (Getty Images)

A short video is making the rounds on the internet of Odell Beckham Jr. checking every box on the “How I Imagine Millionaire Superstars Party in Private” list as he ... OK, I don’t want to be sued here, so I will use carefully worded language:

In the three-second clip, a man who appears to be New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. is sitting on a bed holding what looks like a Swisher Sweet that has been carefully dismantled and filled with an aftermarket substance that wasn’t included in the original packaging. The substance is thought to be the genus and species some botanists refer to as “the sticky-icky.”

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As he holds this alleged blunt, Beckham appears to be on a bed with a circular food item that may or may not be a pepperoni pizza. The star is accompanied by another individual who looks like a woman, who is sitting on the bed while using a rectangular card to separate a substance into lines in an activity some would speculate as resembling the cutting up of a powdery substance Crime Scene Investigators on Black Twitter call “yay.”

Beckham seems to be telling the woman something about sleeping with someone else, or recounting a very interesting story about his companion’s shared insomnia, as the clip catches him saying, “ ... trying to get you to sleep with him.”

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Although Black Twitter’s forensic pathologists are already on the case, none of this video evidence is convincing enough to warrant the suspension of one of the NFL’s best athletes. There could be a simple explanation for this. If I were he, this is the statement I would release:

While I was getting ready for the upcoming season, a brief video of my process was leaked onto the internet. Before each training camp, I begin preparing my mind and body for the rigors of the NFL season by waving what my ancestors call a “sage stick” around my dwelling. Because I was unable to find the seaweed wrapping I normally use, I made do with the outside of a cigarillo I purchased form the corner store.

My physical trainer, Amber, was also in the video separating my protein powder into small lines, a process many nutritionists say helps with muscle absorption and recovery. As she was assisting me, I was telling her about a man who is not my marijuana and cocaine dealer. I was simply explaining to her, “I am definitely not trying to get a 20 percent discount on a weed/coke bundle by trying to get you to sleep with him.”

As for my food selection, the vegetarian, gluten-free pizza with soy pepperoni and almond milk cheese was very good. I realize that the video may have led to some undue speculation, but I am glad I could clear things up.

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Beckham is coming off a season where he played only four games because of an ankle injury. This season will be the last under his rookie contract, leading many to speculate that, with a good season this year, his upcoming free agency could fulfill his demands to be the highest-paid player in the NFL. I sincerely hope he achieves that goal, not that I care about Odell Beckham Jr.’s finances ...

I just know the after-party is going to be lit!