Vandals Kill Black Santa

Black Santa
Screenshot: Fritz Richard (Facebook)

Homeowners in an Oregon neighborhood thought that they could have an inflatable black Santa on their lawn but quickly learned that vandals— apparently believing that Santa was born in Kenya and not America—murked black Santa in a heinous murder.

Fritz Richard told WAVY, which despite its name is not a news station only for black people with good hair, that he decorates the inside of his home with images of black Santa, the three wise men (Jamaal, Lucious and Jerome) and a Nativity scene. He said that he was reluctant to put the inflatable black Santa on his lawn but decided that it wasn’t that big of a deal.

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Black Santa made it only 24 hours before Trump voters assholes killed him. The vandals reportedly noted that inflatable black Santa appeared to have an inflatable gun when they approached him.

The news station notes that black Santa was slashed several times with a sharp instrument. Photos show that he sustained at least one slash to his inflatable stomach and another in the upper part of his inflatable arm.

Richard told the news station that he’s lived there for 20 years and that this was the first time that he’s experienced any kind of racial incidents, and before you say that this could’ve just been All Santas Matter hatred, white Santas were left untouched, leading the CSI (the Criminal Santa Investigation) unit to suspect that this may be the work of anti-black Santa haters.

“There is a lot of neighbors who have Christmas decorations, Caucasian Santas, and nothing that we know of has happened to them,” he told WAVY.

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Richard shared the images of fallen black Santa on social media and his neighbors, in a show of solidarity, offered to put black Santas in their yard.

“It’s exactly the opposite result I think they were looking for,” Richard said of the people who vandalized the Santa. “There will be hopefully a lot of black Santas around this neighborhood.”

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No elves are suspected in the gruesome stabbing, but Jeff Sessions remains under investigation after sources reported that he is a fan of the song “White Christmas.”

No matter how deflating this may seem, authorities hope this will not let the air out of anyone’s holiday spirits.

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Black Santas Matter!

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About the author

Stephen A. Crockett Jr.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.