Now that “I’m not racist” has become the new “God knows my heart,” perhaps we should stop referring to people as racists, and instead say they were acting like racists. For instance, Donald Trump acted like a racist when he big-upped the Ku Klux Klan and neo-Nazis during a presidential press conference. Or, better yet, these seemingly drunken wypipo were acting like racists when this Uber driver kicked them out of his car.
Let’s go to the video:
First of all, the fact that the group hops into the car and one of them begins repeating the phrase “white privilege” illustrates an important point reiterated by anti-fascist protesters and a dude I know named Darryl: Racist white people don’t have enough fear of the possibility of receiving an ass-whipping.
The Uber driver remains calm, although the look on his face is clearly one of the Negroid variations of “I know this motherfucker didn’t just say ... ” Instead of going completely off, he continues his drive politely.
The unidentified driver courteously tells the person who is apparently in the front seat, “Please don’t touch my stuff,” but any seasoned veteran of knowing when shit has gone too far can clearly tell that the driver is thinking about the “white privilege” comment from earlier. Then he just pulls over and says, “You know what ... I need you to get out,” leaving an implied “before I whip all y’all’s asses” hanging heavily in the air.
Then comes the least-shocking surprise of the entire video. When the driver says, “I’m sorry, Rebecca, but your partner here has gotta go,” we learn the delightfully ironic fact that ... (excuse me while I switch to all-caps):
THE WOMAN WHO ORDERED THE RIDE IS A BECKY!
And then (precious Father, please allow me to collect myself), as the driver explains to Rebecca the “white-privilege comment” and why he is kicking them out of the car, Chad in the front seat (not his real name, but probably his real name, because studies show that 73.2 percent of all white boys you want to punch in the throat are named Chad), as he is leaving the car, calls the driver a “bitch-ass nigger.”
With the hard “R.”
Of course the driver gets out of the vehicle, because according to the rules set forth by the international governing body of ass-whippings, Chad must now (hold up while I find the official term. OK, here it is on page 42, paragraph 3) “catch these hands.”
The video does not show hands being caught by Chad, but it illustrates two very important points. As Becky tries to explain why she isn’t racist, the driver tells her, “If you’re not about that, you need to stay away from people like that,” which is what we have been trying to tell white people since the days of slavery until Charlottesville, Va.: If you’re riding with the white supremacist, we’re just going to assume you’re a white supremacist, too.
The second point is the essence of white people’s treatment of black people in America. As he attempts to leave, the driver tells Becky, Chad and the crew: “Be grateful that I’m a calm, collected dude, bro.”
Indeed, white America, be grateful.
You don’t want us to stop this car.