In what likely comes as a surprise to absolutely no one—as evidenced by the countless people who predicted this outcome—I regret to inform you that former UFC champion Tyron Woodley lost his pay-per-view match on Sunday to serial idiot Jake Paul, per CBS Sports.
Suggested Reading
The YouTube phenom, who was last seen terrorizing Floyd Mayweather and keeping his hat hostage, improved his professional record to 4-0 for the small cost of Woodley’s dignity. The 190-pound catchweight bout went down in Paul’s hometown of Cleveland, Ohio, at Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse and if Woodley’s wounded pride is any indication, a rematch is imminent—he just has to get an “I love Jake” tattoo first. The two agreed that whoever lost the fight would get the other person’s name tattooed on their body.
“I feel like I won the fight,” Woodley told reporters. “I feel like Jake is a great opponent. I came in great shape because I knew he could take a punch. No disrespect but fuck the [Tommy] Fury fight, Jake and I can run it back. Nobody is going to sell a PPV like we did. I felt like he was tough. I hit him and the ropes held him up.”
Despite Woodley’s hubris, the scorecards tell a different story.
From CBS Sports:
Paul (4-0, 3 KOs) took home judges’ scores of 77-75 and 78-74 while the third judge scored it for Woodley, 77-75. CBS Sports scored it 78-74 for Paul.
“I don’t know what to say but he’s a tough opponent,” Paul said. “He has been boxing, fighting, and striking for 20-something years. I have been doing this for three years.”
He continued, “This was a tougher fight than I expected. My legs felt weird from the locker room. I don’t know what to say. He put up a good fight and came in shape. I have nothing but respect for him. There was a lot of shit talk but I apologize if I offended his team.”
As for a rematch, Paul initially bristled at the proposition after their bout.
“Of course, he wants the payday,” Paul told Woodley to his face. “You had your opportunity. You had your chance. If you get the tattoo of ‘I love Jake Paul,’ let’s run it back.”
Paul also didn’t seem particularly fond of the final scorecards.
“Let’s be honest, that’s bullshit,” Paul sneered. “I mean, come on. Especially in my hometown? Where is that judge at? He hit me with one real shot. I don’t know what they were looking at. It’s all good. Still got the victory. I got eight rounds under my belt. I’m doing things that no one has done. To go against a Hall of Famer and five-time UFC champion and win when the pressure is on?”
I mean, significant height and size advantages be damned, he is putting the paws on any and everyone who signs on the dotted line. Ask Nate Robinson.
The fight also drew interesting responses from a wave of fellow fighters:
While Woodley is eager for a rematch, it also sounds like Paul might be putting the gloves down for good sooner than later.
“I’ve been boxing for 18 months now,” he said. “I haven’t been to the dentist and I have barely gotten my haircut for like two years. My teeth are crooked and my nose is crooked. I may need to take some time off and figure out who I am. I’m only 24 years old. We will see.”
Straight From 
Sign up for our free daily newsletter.