Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images
Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images

In 2015 Donald Trump was booed at the Conservative Political Action Conference. So after that, Trump got tight and wasn’t fucking with CPAC. He blew off the gathering of conservatives in 2016, and here is the funny part: CPAC didn’t care, because they weren’t fucking with him, either. In a 2016 CPAC poll of Republican candidates, Trump came in third behind Ted Cruz.


But like a girlfriend who wasn’t feeling the goofy, small-handed dude with the dumb red hat, CPAC came back looking for him now that he’s shining, and just like a small-handed dude who knows he’s flossy, Trump obliged and made a typical Trumpian speech, which works like this:

Am I awesome, or what?
Seriously, did y’all see how I smashed Hillary Clinton in the election?!
Also, the media. Bad. They keep hating on me because I’m styling on them.
Man, fuck the media and look out how I crushed Clinton! Rocked that bama!


If you missed Trump’s speech, don’t worry, it was just another campaign speech, because clearly Trump doesn’t want to actually be the president; he just wants to continue campaigning for president. He’s comfortable there. He needs an audience and applause, and these events provide that.

Just last week, Trump took another victory lap and held a campaign rally in Florida when he didn’t need to. The actual job of president requires a depth of knowledge that this president doesn’t have, so he plays to his strengths, like a 12-year-old boy who hates homework but loves playing on the computer.

If you really are interested in knowing exactly what was said during Trump’s speech, just know this: nothing new.

He’s still going to build a damn wall that no one really wants and Congress hasn’t approved. He still wants to replace Obamacare, although the actual application of this is proving extremely difficult.


Also, in case anyone is unclear, he beat Hillary Clinton in the election.

He hates the media and doesn’t care for any stories that the media writes about him that aren’t flattering. He’s going to make America white great again, although how is unclear. He’s responsible for all the job growth that has ever happened since the beginning of time. And he is truly the most beloved president who has ever presidented.


And then he walked off to his campaign-rally music, the Rolling Stones “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” which is really weird because this wasn’t a campaign rally! but in listening to the song lyrics, I wondered if Trump knows deep down that the American public didn’t want him, and if he believes that he is what we need.

Like all other Trump speeches, this speech was word vomit in a kaleidoscope showing different hues of brown bits. There’s nothing new to see here, and chances are there never will be.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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