Trump’s CPAC Speech Is Like All the Rest of Them: A Word-Vomit Salad of Stupidity

Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images
Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images

In 2015 Donald Trump was booed at the Conservative Political Action Conference. So after that, Trump got tight and wasn’t fucking with CPAC. He blew off the gathering of conservatives in 2016, and here is the funny part: CPAC didn’t care, because they weren’t fucking with him, either. In a 2016 CPAC poll of Republican candidates, Trump came in third behind Ted Cruz.

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But like a girlfriend who wasn’t feeling the goofy, small-handed dude with the dumb red hat, CPAC came back looking for him now that he’s shining, and just like a small-handed dude who knows he’s flossy, Trump obliged and made a typical Trumpian speech, which works like this:

Am I awesome, or what?
Seriously, did y’all see how I smashed Hillary Clinton in the election?!
Also, the media. Bad. They keep hating on me because I’m styling on them.
Man, fuck the media and look out how I crushed Clinton! Rocked that bama!

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If you missed Trump’s speech, don’t worry, it was just another campaign speech, because clearly Trump doesn’t want to actually be the president; he just wants to continue campaigning for president. He’s comfortable there. He needs an audience and applause, and these events provide that.

Just last week, Trump took another victory lap and held a campaign rally in Florida when he didn’t need to. The actual job of president requires a depth of knowledge that this president doesn’t have, so he plays to his strengths, like a 12-year-old boy who hates homework but loves playing on the computer.

If you really are interested in knowing exactly what was said during Trump’s speech, just know this: nothing new.

He’s still going to build a damn wall that no one really wants and Congress hasn’t approved. He still wants to replace Obamacare, although the actual application of this is proving extremely difficult.

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Also, in case anyone is unclear, he beat Hillary Clinton in the election.

He hates the media and doesn’t care for any stories that the media writes about him that aren’t flattering. He’s going to make America white great again, although how is unclear. He’s responsible for all the job growth that has ever happened since the beginning of time. And he is truly the most beloved president who has ever presidented.

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And then he walked off to his campaign-rally music, the Rolling Stones “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” which is really weird because this wasn’t a campaign rally! but in listening to the song lyrics, I wondered if Trump knows deep down that the American public didn’t want him, and if he believes that he is what we need.

Like all other Trump speeches, this speech was word vomit in a kaleidoscope showing different hues of brown bits. There’s nothing new to see here, and chances are there never will be.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

thepriceofeggsinmalta
ThePriceofEggsinMalta

I’m honestly curious to see how this is going to play out over the next few months/years/etc. I mean, Trump’s a one-trick pony, and his whole schtick is to speak to the group of people who believe his word over that of the media, over other politicians, and over their own common sense. That group was always a minority in this country and shrinking thanks to Trump’s incompetence, and will shrink faster as time goes by simply because Trump won’t be able to do any of the shit he’s promised and his base will get even more disillusioned (as happens to every newly-elected President).

It’s odd. I mean, I’m hesitant to say that he’s on borrowed time or that the rug’s going to get pulled out from under him or make any sort of predictions about his downfall, because those have been proven wrong over and over again... I didn’t expect him to get through the GOP debates, I didn’t expect him to make it out of the primaries, and I certainly didn’t expect him to actually win the presidency. And yet, here we are, with this unholy terror in the White House. And what he has going for him is that his approval rating is already closing in on rock-bottom, because there’s a certain number of people in this country who will support a Republican president literally no matter what he does.

But holy shit, you can’t fool all the people all the time. And he’s not even fooling most of the people any of the time. He can’t possibly just keep on fucking the exact same chicken and expect to get any positive reactions indefinitely. Stephen points out that his schtick never fucking changes: ”media bad! Hillary bad! Global trade bad! Regulations bad! Environment pointless! Trump good!” combined with a few random and utterly pointless lies with no strategic value other than to inflate Trump’s ego... how fucking long can that work?

I just don’t understand anything about this. Or rather, I don’t want to understand any of it. Oddly enough, Trump himself is the easiest to understand—he’s a narcissist who’s been coddled his entire life, his behavior is predictable: he’s acting to make himself look as good as possible, full stop. Nothing else is considered. It’s the behavior of everyone around him—his staff, other Republicans, his voters—that just blows my fucking mind.