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Trump Wants to Ask Kneeling NFL Players Whom He Should Pardon Next

Illustration for article titled Trump Wants to Ask Kneeling NFL Players Whom He Should Pardon Next
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

President Donald Trump won’t handle the basic duties of presidenting, like not tweeting from the White House executive bathroom in the early morning, but now he’s becoming the Oprah of pardons.

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For some reason unbeknownst to anyone, Trump offered to speak with NFL players who have kneeled during the national anthem in protest of the over-policing of black communities, to find out whom they believe he should pardon.

Clearly, Trump doesn’t understand how any of this works. Speaking with reporters in front of the White House, Trump began waxing on the recent release from jail of Alice Marie Johnson, the unfairly imprisoned grandmother whose prison sentence he recently commuted, then went on to explain his next moves.

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“What I’m thinking to do, you have a lot of people in the NFL in particular ... they’re not proud enough to stand for our national anthem ... ,” Trump said, TMZ Sports reports. “I’m gonna ask all of those people to recommend to me ... people that they think were unfairly treated by the justice system [...] friends of theirs or people that they know about, and I’m gonna take a look at those applications. And if I find and my committee finds that they were unfairly treated, then we will pardon them or at least let them out.”

While I’ve not spoken with any of the kneeling players, I’d assume that they are cool on the pardoning and would probably just like the president to stop bashing them for protesting the killings of unarmed African-American men, women and children by police. Oh, and they’d probably ask him to get Attorney General Jeff “King Keebler” Sessions to stop emboldening police forces that have violated the constitutional rights of people of color across the country.

Clearly the president has the brain capacity of a 3-year-old who views pardoning as a new, shiny toy that he can’t stop playing with, but it would be nice if someone on his senior staff explained to him that the answer to every injustice isn’t pardoning someone.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabySteps

Dear NFL players,

On another note, THE MOST disturbing thing here is that this man gravitates to the one plenary power granted him under our system of government. As we have seen, he exercises this power not because he is trying to do good for others but rather because, as with any small person, it makes him feel godlike and important. And like any person like that he wields theses powers with the capriciousness and spite that you would expect. It’s a fucking toy to him.

Using the power of the pardon allows him to wield the power he THOUGHT he would have access to as president. But because of the checked nature of the office, instead of feeling like a deity, Trump must feel like that Greek God who Zeus chained to the rock with grapes right in front of his face. Everytime the god leaned over to get the grapes they would move out of his way.

This country has elected a very dangerous, grade-a narcissist. This is not going to end well.