Donald Trump Jr. and his lazy vampire brother, Eric Trump
Photo: Jeff J. Mitchell (Getty Images)

White-people flirting is just ... um ... different.

Somehow, Donald Trump Jr. decided to hop in a model’s DMs after she joked about pulling a muscle while changing a tampon. If that wasn’t TMI, his response was to ask the woman if she smelled bacon.

Yep, I officially just vomited all over my computer, and I’m also going to need a new brain to unsee the images of tampons and bacon smells. It’s safe to say that the son of a walking colostomy bag is not smooth with it. Who jumps in the DMs off a tampon joke and then follows up with bacon?

Below is actual footage captured from different angles of Trump Jr.’s DM slide.

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Trump Jr. and his wife, Vanessa, are reportedly headed for splitsville, since the couple filed for divorce March 15, but Melissa Stetten tweeted out evidence that Trump Jr. was in her DMs in November 2011, just a few weeks after his wife gave birth—proving, clearly, that the apple doesn’t fall far from the pussy-grabbing tree.

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“Surprised his marriage didn’t work out since he was sending me DMs a month after his wife gave birth. (I tweeted a joke about pulling a muscle changing a tampon and he replied asking if I smelled bacon? Cool joke),” Stetten tweeted, Cosmopolitan reports.

A spokesperson for Trump Jr. provided a screenshot to People magazine of the pair’s interaction that Trump Jr.’s team believes shows that the bacon-tampon interaction was nothing more than harmless Twitter bacon banter.

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Stetten told People that she had no idea who Trump Jr. was until he started following her on Twitter, but she did note that the Trump name preceded him.

“He just started following me, so I followed back. He would favorite my tweets and occasionally reply,” she said. “I always thought of the Trumps as idiots, so it was entertaining to see his failed attempts at hitting on me.”

She can also stop fronting, as she knew full well that this man has an affinity for bacon. At one point, she tweeted him: “@DonaldJTrumpJr soaking my body in bacon today,” and then he replied via Twitter, “Now you’re just toying w my emotions. Why don’t women come up w bacon perfume? Seems so much better than that channel [sic] crap,” and he later tweeted, “Stop that!!! I am a happily married man.”

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As Stetten asked in one tweet: “His dad is president why hasn’t he deleted these tweets? #bacon”

The whole thing is too messy, but if it adds more bacon bits to the Trump family drama, I’m here for it.