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Trump Is Spiraling, Will Reportedly Undergo Televised Medical Exam a Day After Attacking Kamala, His Cabinet in Unhinged Interview

Illustration for article titled Trump Is Spiraling, Will Reportedly Undergo Televised Medical Exam a Day After Attacking Kamala, His Cabinet in Unhinged Interview
Photo: NICHOLAS KAMM (Getty Images)

The president of people who call computers “puters” will undergo a “medical evaluation” on television, which brings me to a few thoughts:

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  1. The president is such a liar about everything that no one believes that he’s not sick.
  2. The president has officially lost his mind and is taking us with him.
  3. This is the most reality TV shit in the history of this Buick Skylark-ass White House.
  4. Has everyone in the White House lost their fucking minds?
  5. Will the president be in a gown?
  6. How invasive will this exam be?
  7. Will he have his scrotum examined on national television?
  8. Who thought this was a good idea?
  9. Why is he doing this to us?
  10. Are Republicans OK with this?

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s continue with the news. The fucking president of the United States is going to have a medical evaluation on TV!

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Friday on Fox News, which really is Republican OnlyFans, the commander-in-chief will do his first on-camera interview with Tucker Carlson since being diagnosed with COVID-19, Fox News reports. But who gives a fuck about two white nationalists sitting around shooting the shit when the president of the United States is going to have a medical exam on live television as if America is Cuba.

“Dr. Marc Siegel will conduct a medical evaluation and interview during the program,” Fox News notes. Trump claims that he’s doing just great despite coughing and sounding like a wolf during a call with Fox News’ Sean Hannity on Thursday night.

When President Trump decided to call off the second debate against Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden because he didn’t want to debate over a Zoom call, everyone who’s been paying attention had to know that he was going to call into Republican Pornhub, aka Fox News, to complain.

Because the president’s craziness is nothing if not consistent, on Thursday morning, the president called into Fox Business and spoke with host Maria Bartiromo and proceeded to fight for his political life by shouting into his racist, xenophobic and misogynistic bullhorn. He called Democratic vice presidential hopeful Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.) “unlikeable” and a “monster” and then proceeded to rail on his allies, claiming that if they really loved him, they’d be locking up his political enemies, the Washington Post reports.

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While it hasn’t been confirmed, it’s believed that the president was wearing his new cologne “I’m about to lose this fucking race.” He sounded looney at best and desperate AF at worst. Trump’s most loyal goons have always been Attorney General Bill Barr, aka evil John Goodman-face, and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo.

For some reason—could be the COVID-19 medications he’s on?—the president decided to trot out a series of claims building on recent tweets that evil Fred Flintstone-face hasn’t done enough to get those tied to the Russia investigation.

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“Unless Bill Barr indicts these people for crimes — the greatest political crime in the history of our country — then we’re going to get little satisfaction, unless I win,” Trump said, adding that he “won’t forget it” and that the crime “includes Obama, and that includes Biden,” the Post reports.

Trump also claimed that “Bill has got to move” or this would go down in history as a “very sad situation” if he doesn’t indict people. He said that the Justice Department keeps asking for more information, but Trump claims they have everything they need because Trump doesn’t know how anything works. Trump actually believes that because he’s convinced a crime has been committed without any proof, the Department of Justice should move to lock people up.

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And if you thought we were going to go without hearing about Hillary Clinton and her emails, then you are fucking wrong because this unhinged bag of orange sherbet froth couldn’t keep her name out of his mouth.

Trump believes just like every cartoon supervillain before him that there is a file with the words “Hillary Clinton’s emails” scrawled across it being hidden in the State Department and Mike Pompeo simply has to do the work to uncover it.

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“They’re in the State Department, but Mike Pompeo has been unable to get them out, which is very sad actually. I’m not happy about him for that reason,” Trump said. “He was unable to get that. I don’t know why. You’re running the State Department; you’re able to get them out.”

The Post notes that they don’t know WTF Trump is talking about as the State Department has already released the emails that it had.

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Barr is a punching bag for Trump. He knows it. It’s on his LinkedIn profile. Pompeo, however, has been a lapdog for the president, basically running behind Trump to adhere to his every whim so it’s rare to see Trump go off on him.

Some have suggested that this latest interview is proof that his medicine has him bugging:

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But fuck that. This has been the same Trump since 2016. How would anyone know if the crazy man is acting crazy when he does and says crazy shit all the time?

Trump also went HAM on FBI Director Christopher Wray, who had the audacity to say that Trump’s claims of massive mail-in voter fraud was bullshit.

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“He’s been disappointing,” Trump said, the Post reports. “He talks about even the voting thing, that he doesn’t see the voting ballots as a problem.”

Trump wouldn’t say if he planned to fire Wray, but Trump generally fires people who don’t do as he wishes.

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So here’s what I think is happening: I think Trump is putting public pressure on his allies to make sure they fuck with the election results when he loses. I think he’s trying to ensure that he’s got a safety net when the votes come back saying he’s lost. I think his plan is to tie the election results up in litigation and hope that he can continue governing until the Supreme Court, that he’s stacked in his favor, returns a decision.

Either that or he’s high as a giraffe’s titty.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

thedarkone508
The Dark One 508

i hope the credentials of the doctor running this “exam” has legitimate credentials and hasnt signed any papers to protect donald trump.

LOL. who am i kidding. it’s on fox news.