Photo: Win McNamee (Getty Images)

The president of people who walk their children on a leash is a self-absorbed, narcissistic, ego-maniac who can’t stop talking about himself and the believed war against his presidency.

On Tuesday, the president was up earlier looking at combover tutorials and tiki torch reviews on YouTube when he decided to Google himself. Naturally, he didn’t like what he saw. After learning that media was accurately reporting on his Trumpster fire of a presidency, he took to Twitter to spout this:

And now, just like any dictatorship, the Trump administration is reportedly looking into whether Google searches should be regulated. I wish I was joking.

Larry Kudlow, President Trump’s economic adviser, told The Washington Post on Tuesday that the White House was considering deciding if searches from Google, a private company, should be regulated by the government.

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“We’ll let you know,” Kudlow said. “We’re taking a look at it.”

That’s because Kim Jung Trump believes that he’s the greatest president to ever sit in the White House and when he Googles his name and doesn’t see that the media is touting him as the greatest president in the history of presidents, it makes him sad. So, the president of North Korea wants to alter or impact or maybe just fuck with Google searches so good conservative news about his presidency appears when you search his name. Basically, 53 percent of white women voted against their own self interest to elect Lil’ Alex Jones into the Oval Office.

Google, a private company, actually had to issue a statement saying that the searches on the site have a no political leanings.

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“When users type queries into the Google Search bar, our goal is to make sure they receive the most relevant answers in a matter of seconds. Search is not used to set a political agenda and we don’t bias our results toward any political ideology,” the statement read, according to the Post.

“Every year, we issue hundreds of improvements to our algorithms to ensure they surface high-quality content in response to users’ queries. We continually work to improve Google Search and we never rank search results to manipulate political sentiment.”

Trump’s tweets came after Trump’s initial pick for vice presidents, Diamond and Silk, made an appearance on Lou Dobbs’ show where they claimed that their bootleg-ass videos in which they shill for the president and hawk mugs and other goofy items was being suppressed by the government.

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“I am not for big government, but I really do believe that the government should step in and really check this out,” Diamond told Dobbs in the interview, according to the Post.

The White House doesn’t seem to understand that because the Trump administration is so divisive and has difficulty telling the truth, it forces mainstream media to work overtime. In turn, the mainstream media is producing double if not triple the amount of stories that would normally be produced in a sane presidency and, as such, Google results are pulling up the most relevant stories based on the search term. So, because of the sheer number of stories produced by the mainstream media, the search is flooded with news that Trump would call “fake news” or in layman terms, news that paints an accurate picture of his presidency.

Obvious dictator and censorship issues aside, the president of people who put really big tires on really small trucks has used all of this to his advantage.

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Trump has co-opted the plight of “the oppressed” claiming that the “National Left Wing” media, which he calls “dangerous,” is working to silence conservative voices. In doing this, not only does Trump excite his racist base, but by feeding their oppressed beliefs, he’s increasing potential poll turnout at the next presidential election.

It’s an ingenious way of fighting to maintain the highest office in the land; he’s becoming more deplorable by the day because he recognized something very early on that his GOP colleagues didn’t seem to care for; why not just got full racist? Full on xenophobic. Really play to the misogynist crowd and, sadly, white America responded to this style of president-ing. But Trump is no genius. It’s not as if he crafted this as a play to ensure another four more years in office; Trump isn’t playing. He actually believes the shit that he tweets. This is who he really is and by playing to his deplorable base, he’s emboldening a faction of America that hasn’t been this bold since the 1960s.

At some point, it would be nice if someone in the White House gave the president something else to do besides Googling himself. It’s pathetic that the leader of the free world has this much time to spend worrying about himself. But it makes sense for Trump. Since taking office, the president of people who believe mayonnaise is a food group has won his audience by being this way, so why stop now? Is it shocking that Trump Googles himself? Of course not. This is a man that once reportedly acted as if he were his own publicist just to stir up news about himself.

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Most of us have never seen an egomaniacal maniac on a national stage, and hopefully, after his four-year dictatorship is over, we won’t ever see this again. Unless, of course, Russia decides to make him president for a second term.