I can’t believe that as a government shutdown looms, and the immigration deal that would save hundreds of thousands of people from deportation hangs in the balance of a dumbass border wall that only racists want, the president of Backwash, Miss., is busy announcing the winners for his “Fake News Awards.”
In case you are wondering if you read this wrong, you didn’t. The president of LittleDick, Ala., is literally spending his time posting phony winners for a phony awards show while the country is currently going to shit from his doing. I keep waiting for this bad Tom Hanks movie to end and the 9-year-old boy whose mind was switched with the president of MudTruckin’, Minn., to be given his brain back.
Currently we have a president whose diet consists of fast food, who trolls America on Twitter and who makes up fake games to play with himself. It’s as if Congress went to the local Cracker Barrel and asked for one of those busy sheets they give kids while the parents are talking to keep the president of FlyFishing, Fla., busy—and thus the Fake News Awards were born.
The worst part of this whole sham is that the president of TabackySpitCup, Texas, has routinely told lies and mistruths since taking office. According to the Washington Post, Trump lied over 2,000 times during his first year in the White House. But in the spirit of bipartisanship, we’re reporting Trump’s list of winners because honestly, being opposed by the president of NASCAR, Neb., is a badge of honor.
First off, like much of this administration, the shit didn’t work. I don’t know if the fake-news-media thing was supposed to be lighthearted or what, but late Wednesday night, after several outlets posted that the president was full of crap for announcing that the awards would be coming and then not producing, a seemingly rushed list was ushered onto the GOP’s website, which immediately crashed.
It’s as if the website didn’t even want any parts of this dumbass idea. Once the site was functioning, the winners included all the big names that Trump has openly opposed: the New York Times, the Washington Post, CNN, blah, blah, blah.
The issue with the New York Times piece cited is that it was a column claiming that the economy would suffer under a Trump presidency—which isn’t fake news because we still don’t know what will happen, and Trump keeps claiming victory for the economic legacy that former President Barack Obama left behind. Assuming that Trump’s plan for utter destruction did somehow boost the economy, the column still wouldn’t be fake news; it would merely be an incorrect prediction, since it was written in 2016, before the president was even in office.
The Fake News Awards were always going to be a sham. In early January, the president claimed that there would be some kind of event and maybe even trophies!
“I certainly don’t want to spoil anything,” Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Suckabee, said during a press briefing on Jan. 3, the Washington Post reports. “But my guess is that there are quite a few individuals that could be up for those awards. ... We’ll certainly keep you posted. It might be hard for him to present trophies if you guys aren’t there. But I don’t know, we’ll have to wait and see what happens.”
Trump continually teased the idea of specific categories in the Fake News Awards—a task that should have proved easy, considering that he tweeted about “fake news” some 150 times, according to the Post. But the Fake News Awards, much like this administration so far, proved to be a whole lot of talk and very little action. Basically, the Fake News Awards were just more fake news from a president who knows more about being fake than anyone else.