Trump Continues to Back Brett Kavanaugh, Calls Latest Allegations 'Totally Political'

In a move that has shocked absolutely no one, President ChiChi von PeeTapes is continuing to back his pick for Supreme Court despite new allegations.

On Monday, the president of people who wear overalls in a non-fashion way, called the newest set of sexual misconduct allegations against Judge Brett Kavanaugh politically motivated and added that he supports his Supreme Court nominee “all the way.”

“There’s a chance that this could be one of the single most unfair, unjust things to happen for a candidate for anything,” Trump told reporters as he entered the United Nations headquarters in New York, The Washington Post reports. “For people to come out of the woodwork from 36 years ago and 30 years ago and never mention it, all of a sudden it happens. In my opinion, it’s totally political.”

Trump was referring to allegations made by Christine Blasey Ford who claimed that Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her while they were in high school, and the newest claims, published Sunday in The New Yorker, which allege that Kavanaugh exposed himself at a Yale party.

Wait, that’s entirely too generous of a description of the gross shit that Kavanaugh reportedly did. So, let’s try this again.

According to The New Yorker, when Deborah Ramirez and Kavanaugh were freshman at Yale, she claims a small group played a drinking game in a dorm room in Lawrence Hall. Ramirez said she became intoxicated pretty quickly and at one point found herself lying on the floor and slurring her words. She then claims that Kavanaugh put his penis in her face, which she pushed away, and in the process touched his penis. She claims that she remembers Kavanaugh laughing and buttoning his pants up.

Also, this has to be the nastiest game of “I’m not touching you” ever played. Also—who plays this game with their penis? Ramirez said the incident left her “embarrassed and ashamed and humiliated.”

Kavanuagh denied all accusations against him and has called the claims “a smear, plain and simple,” the Post reports.

The White House doesn’t see a pattern of behavior in the woman’s claims; instead they believe that this is merely another tactic to undermine the president and consider all allegations to be works of fiction by the left.

Trump on Monday called the allegations “highly unsubstantiated statements from people represented by lawyers,” adding: “You should look into the lawyers doing the representation,” The Post reports.

In case there was any doubt where President Pussy Grabber, who has been accused by 19 women of sexual misconduct, stands on the issue, he added: “Judge Kavanaugh is an outstanding person, and I am with him all the way,” Trump said.

The skeletal remains of Kellyanne Conway also joined the fray to lend her voice to the movement against believing women who claim to have been sexually assaulted to join support for Kavanaugh.

“This is starting to feel like a vast left-wing conspiracy,” Conway said on CBS This Morning.

Conway added that the allegations didn’t seem in-line with what we’ve learned during the #MeToo era.

“This may be the first time we ever heard of allegations against someone as a teenager that did not prey upon women thusly as he became powerful,” Conway said, adding: “I just don’t think one man’s shoulders should bear decades of the #MeToo movement.”

Oh, Skellyanne Conway, no one thinks that Kavanaugh should bear the weight of a movement, just the weight of the pain he may have caused someone else.