Trump Claims He’s Been Treated Worse Than President Who Was Assassinated

Illustration for article titled Trump Claims He’s Been Treated Worse Than President Who Was Assassinated
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Trump brings out the “ass” in “assassinated.”

Sitting outside the Lincoln Memorial—which, for those who’ve never seen it, is a big-ass statue of Lincoln sitting in a chair looking out with a facial expression that says, “You better not lie on my good name”—Trump claimed that he’s been treated worse than the president who was snuffed out while watching Stand by Me.


On Sunday, Fox News hosted a virtual town hall, which is like a day party for Klans-members in which everyone shows up wearing all white hoods. There, Trump literally fixed his anus-shaped mouth to claim that he is being treated “worse” than President Abraham Lincoln, who was assassinated in 1865 while trying to watch Goonies.

According to the Daily Beast, a caller, who surely believes that he should be allowed to walk into his area Loaf ‘N Jug mask-free, asked Trump about his unrelenting attack on reporters. The president of people who believe that Joe Exotic is a mood noted, “I am greeted by a hostile press, the likes of which no president has ever seen…They always said nobody got treated worse than Lincoln. I believe I am treated worse. You see those press conferences [about the coronavirus response], they come at me with questions that are disgraceful. Their manner of presentation and their words. I feel if I was kind to them, I would be walked off the stage.”

Trump added: “They come at you with the most horrible, horrendous, biased questions.”

By “horrible, horrendous, biased questions,” he was referring to the reporters who ask him about the lies he’s told or the decisions he’s made since taking office that have led to America becoming the laughingstock of the world.

Apparently, Trump forgot that Lincoln was shot at Ford’s Theatre in Washington, D.C. while trying to watch Set It Off. But this is the thing that Trump does, he likens himself to great leaders and then positions himself as having to overcome even greater odds—because being assassinated in Trump’s mind is akin to answering questions about lies he and his administration have told. In Trump’s world, being Trump is the toughest job that Trump has ever had. It’s also the only job Trump has ever had.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


Sorely Vexed

I’d settle for Trump being treated exactly as badly as Lincoln, then realize there’s no way he’d ever willingly set foot in a theater.