Trump Claims He Is Not a Russian Spy, Which is Exactly What a Russian Spy Would Say

Illustration for article titled Trump Claims He Is Not a Russian Spy, Which is Exactly What a Russian Spy Would Say
Photo: Win McNamee (Getty Images)

Commissar Donald Trump is having quite the month. Not only has he single-handily driven the federal government to a standstill over funding for a wall that no one wants, explosive reports now claim that during meetings he held with his play cousin and godbrother, Vladimir Putin, the talks weren’t recorded and now the president of people who use beer cozies has had to come out to proclaim that he’s never been a Russian operative.


“I never worked for Russia,” Trump told reporters before boarding a helicopter on the south lawn of the White House, CNBC reports.

Trump also claimed it was all “a big fat hoax,” which is funny considering that is the FBI’s name for him.

“Not only did I never work for Russia, I think it’s a disgrace that you even asked that question because it’s a whole big fat hoax,” Trump said.

“It’s just a hoax.”

The exasperated announcement that he isn’t in bed with Vladimir Putin comes after a recent report that Trump had gone “to extraordinary lengths to conceal details of his conversations with Russian President Vladimir Putin,” according to CNBC.

According to a bombshell dropped by the New York Times on Friday, after Trump fired FBI Director James Comey in 2017—when Comey refused to pledge his loyalty to Trump—law enforcement officials were so baffled by the move that they began investigating “whether he had been working on behalf of Russia against American interests.”

On Sunday, the Washington Post reported that Trump, “in an effort to conceal details of his talks with Putin, at least once took possession of the notes of his own interpreter, and told her not to talk about what had been discussed with other officials in the Trump administration. The Post, citing U.S. officials, said there is no detailed record, classified or otherwise, of Trump’s ‘face-to-face interactions with the Russian leader at five locations over the past two years.’”


On Monday, Trump claimed that Comey was a dirty cop who had to be fired.

“He was a bad cop and he was a dirty cop and he lied, he really lied,” Trump said of Comey on Monday. The press didn’t have a chance to point out that Trump is a liar so his claims against Comey mean nothing.


Trump also must’ve forgotten that he told NBC News in 2017 that he fired Comey in part because “this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story.”

From CNBC:

Comey has said that three months before he was terminated, Trump asked him to shut an FBI probe into Trump’s first national security adviser, Michael Flynn. The retired Army lieutenant general, who was fired by Trump after less than a month in office, later pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI about the nature of his discussions with Russia’s ambassador to the United States on the heels of the 2016 election.


Talk about a wall, it looks like the walls are closing in on old Commandant Trumpski.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



He is far to stupid to be a literal spy or to be working directly for Russia. But you better believe that Putin knew that his stupidity would cause us major problems and worked with his campaign to help him win.