"I lost my keys…"

You look at South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's situation, and it's hard to know where to start. For a politician, Sanford is the worst liar ever. Six-year-olds make up better stories about missing cookies — dude really should have hired someone to write him a cover story. His staff unraveled a tale Ripley wouldn't believe. Sanford's life is about to  take a craptastic plunge to Earth where it will land with a spectacular thud. Still, better men have been taken down by a dalliance.

I feel so sorry for him because I know he could have thought of a better series of lies to cover his tracks. So I decided to compile….


Top 10 Cover Stories Sanford Should Have Used

—I was on a Yoga retreat

—I was holed up playing Halo 2

—I was camped out to see the new Transformer movie

—Had a close encounter of the third kind

—I fell down a well

I woke up covered with feces, wrapped in a trash bag after being kidnapped and raped by the KKK


—Gilligan and I took a three-hour tour and, well

—I discovered the Stargate, then destroyed it for the good of all mankind

—I took up O.J.'s search for the real killers

—Got caught in a hot dice game, lost track of time

Single Father, Author, Screenwriter, Award-Winning Journalist, NPR Moderator, Lecturer and College Professor. Habitual Line-Stepper