Top Ten Cover Stories Sanford Should Have Used

"I lost my keys…"
"I lost my keys…"

You look at South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's situation, and it's hard to know where to start. For a politician, Sanford is the worst liar ever. Six-year-olds make up better stories about missing cookies — dude really should have hired someone to write him a cover story. His staff unraveled a tale Ripley wouldn't believe. Sanford's life is about to  take a craptastic plunge to Earth where it will land with a spectacular thud. Still, better men have been taken down by a dalliance.


I feel so sorry for him because I know he could have thought of a better series of lies to cover his tracks. So I decided to compile….

Top 10 Cover Stories Sanford Should Have Used

—I was on a Yoga retreat

—I was holed up playing Halo 2

—I was camped out to see the new Transformer movie

—Had a close encounter of the third kind

—I fell down a well

I woke up covered with feces, wrapped in a trash bag after being kidnapped and raped by the KKK

—Gilligan and I took a three-hour tour and, well

—I discovered the Stargate, then destroyed it for the good of all mankind

—I took up O.J.'s search for the real killers

—Got caught in a hot dice game, lost track of time

Single Father, Author, Screenwriter, Award-Winning Journalist, NPR Moderator, Lecturer and College Professor. Habitual Line-Stepper