If you bring me anything from Chick-fil-A—which I sometimes call Chick-Fila—and you don’t bring me the Chick-fil-A honey mustard sauce, I will ask that you stand back a bit so you can watch as I slam the bag to the ground and stomp the living shit out of it.
You know what a chicken sandwich without the sauce is called in my house? A frisbee.
Thankfully, my wife and I have stocked up on sauces over the years so that we have enough to withstand a shortage, but such isn’t the case for everyone. And since some people couldn’t envision a time when Chick-fil-A sauces weren’t flowing through the streets, those folks weren’t prepared for Doomsday when the restaurant announced last week that supply-chain issues caused a shortage and some restaurants were out of sauces, including Zesty Buffalo, Classic Chick-fil-A, Herb Ranch and Polynesian sauces.
While the company told the Dallas Observer that it was working to solve this issue, customers were restricted to choosing just one sauce per order, which would be my version of hell.
For some reason, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), whom Lincoln Project co-founder Rick Wilson aptly named Fat Wolverine, has decided that this is President Joe Biden’s fault.
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For some reason, Cruz tweeted that “Joe Biden is destroying America” along with a Breitbart news article noting the sauce shortage.
But he wasn’t alone. “Oklahoma Gov. Kevin Stitt laid the foundation for his re-election campaign by issuing a statement that read, ‘Conservative governors are the absolute last line of defense. We’re fighting to block liberal policies and promote common-sense policies to bring down the price of gas, to lower the cost of groceries, and to make sure Chick-fil-A never has another sauce shortage,’” the Observer reports.
This is a real news story, and although we are in the same family as The Onion, we didn’t make this up.
Of course, Twitter had a good time with this: