The Simones Sprinkled #BlackGirlMagic In Rio Last Night Like Bawses

Clive Rose/Getty Images
Clive Rose/Getty Images

You know by now. Simone Biles rolled into Rio and put 100 percent into every line she dropped. Simone Manuel went out there and didn't know she swooped into the history books by winning the women's 100m freestyle in swimming. They are some bad women. I'll bet if you go into their purses and pull out their ID cards, they both say "Bad Motherfucker" on them. I'd put money on it.


They were out in Rio sprinkling #blackgirlmagic everywhere and kicking ass and taking names, especially in the case of Simone Biles. In fact, let's talk about Simone Biles.


Simone must have had on a Superwoman t-shirt under her leotard. It's one thing to win the individual gold in the all-around competition. That's awesome. But she won so hard it was like Tiger Woods during his heyday when everybody else mostly showed up to play for #2. We all heard the stats that her margin of victory was so large it was bigger than the combined gap between 1st and 2nd place from like 1980 through 2012. And was even huge for the modified rules since 2006. All that minutiae is unnecessary; she whipped ass, took names, then whipped ass again. The girl is so bad she has a move that's referred to as HER move, The Biles.

I watched one of those videos that breaks down the physics of doing the things that gymnasts do. Those videos are awesome. But when you have actual scientists saying that the physics of what she's doing is confusing? #cmonson

You know you have absolutely bodied the game when ACTUAL scientists are like, but, CAR AIN'T GO NO ROOF!

I watched the all-around competition, and when Simone hit her last pass and did that thing where she did that other thing where she fell and then bounced up into her finishing move or finale or whatever you call those things when gymnasts do gymnastical things, I literally cursed out loud. My whole family was sleeping and I cursed out loud because I didn't know what else to do. Or say. All you gotta do is say yes? Fuck that. I was like GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE. As BBD said in the early 90s, "that girl is dope".

What's even more awesome is that she came in and did what she was SUPPOSED to do. She was the Golden State Warriors if they actually won the championship. Expectations were high, she met and exceeded them. And I appreciate her for that. My Blackness makes the victories even sweeter. Like, I enjoy seeing Michael Phelps dominate. I want him to obliterate everybody any time he touches the water. But Simone Biles Blackness made it extra lit.


And speaking of Blackness, Simone Manuel becoming the first Black woman to win an individual competition in swimming? Fam. We're out here breaking 1960s barriers and shit. On some Disney-movie Pride THIS IS OUR HOUSE, COACH! steez. The fact that she didn't even realize it at first made it even better. The tears were real. The appreciation was real, and the fact that she knows what it means is even more realer than the previous reals. I'm just proud. I don't believe anybody thought that she was going to medal, let alone win, so the fact that she did is pure joy running through my heart. My heart doesn't pump Kool-aid, it pumps for The Simones.

Cheers to the Simones.

America, Fuck Yeah (during the Olympics).

Panama Jackson is the Senior Editor of Very Smart Brothas. He's pretty fly for a light guy. You can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking all her brown liquors.


Medium Meech

Not to be that guy, but can we talk about the oppressive gender norms in "aesthetic gymnastics"? The pressure for them to be smiley, bubbly, uncontroversial valley girl clones is kind of crazy. Has there every been a controversial gymnast? They wear makeup. To an athletic event. Are they allowed to step even an inch outside of that mold? It's probably why I subconsciously rock with Aliya Mustafina. Her lack of smiles or fucks warms my dark heart.

Too soon? I should let Biles enjoy her moment without going all pinkrose on her? Ok, I'll see myself out.