Texas Mayor, Mayor Pro-Tem Resign Amid Accusations of Using City Funds to See Michelle Obama

Screenshot: NBCDFW

The mayor of a Texas town and the mayor pro-tem announced they were both “becoming” unemployed after they were accused of using more than $1,000 of the city’s funds to attend Michelle Obama’s book tour, prompting some residents of the north Texas town to defend the officials with the untested legal defense of:

“I mean...It’s Michelle, though...”

WFAA reports that Lyndia Thomas and Beckie Hayes submitted their resignations as mayor and mayor pro-tem, respectively, of the town of Forest Hill, Texas on Wednesday. The resignations came just before a scheduled vote accusing the two of misconduct and misuse of funds after they were allegedly reimbursed for tickets to Michelle Obama’s sold-out Becoming book tour.

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Thomas and Hayes recently attended the former first lady’s book tour stop in Dallas, paying $545 each for tickets to the event. After they returned, they filed a request for reimbursement and the city repaid them with a check for $1,091.92.

Meanwhile, according to NBCDFW, Leslie Jasperson, a diligent Forest Hill citizen, was scouring the city’s spending records, noticed the check and alerted her friends. They secretly met at the local Starbucks to alert city council members and sign an order for a special meeting to address the issue.

And I know what you’re asking: “Who goes through city records looking for spending discrepancies? Was Japserson a vigilant journalist looking to expose the Becomingate scandal? Was she a political opponent?

Nah. She was just a white lady.

I said she was “diligent” didn’t I? You know what kind of people worry about who’s using charcoal in grass grills or who’s taking a nap in their Yale dorm room. Diligents. White women are diligent as fuck.

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Anyway, when the diligent investigator met with the city councilmembers to snitch on the two women who wanted to meet their first lady, guess who exposed the secret rendezvous?

The Almighty.

No Not Michele Obama or Rihanna. I meant the other black woman — God herself. The Lord of Lords touched another black woman’s heart and told her to head over to the local coffee shop.

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“I didn’t plan on being there (at Starbucks). It was God telling me to be there,” said Sonya Coleman Norwood, who noticed the clandestine meeting of fellow diligents.

The Star-Telegram reports that Norwood immediately called the mayor and let her know that the Thelma Thanos had gathered all the Diligent Stones (and a copy of the check) and was preparing a coup. While The Root could not find a transcript of Norwood’s call to Mayor Thomas, we can safely say it began with: “Girrrl... guess who’s at Starbucks?”

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So the town held a meeting where some Forest Hills citizens defended the mayor and her book club buddy, praising the two for accomplishments including bringing bus service to Forest Hill and fixing sidewalks, subconsciously acknowledging that what the mayor did may have been wrong... but they understand.

Did I mention it was Michelle Obama?’

Thomas and Hayes said that they were entitled to the reimbursement as part of their public relations budget because that’s how they learn things and plus, they got their hair done and everything! (You gotta admit, those braids are tight AF.)

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So the anti-Obama haters decided to schedule a hearing where the city council would hold a vote to oust the mayor. But you know what Michelle Obama says:

“When they go low, just kick them in the face and leave. That’ll teach them about going so low.” (I’m pretty sure this is a direct quote from the book. I haven’t read Becoming but I’m pretty sure that’s correct.)

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So the Michelle Obama Traveling Book Club handed in their keys to city hall and told everyone to kiss their natural, black autographed copies that you will never get to own because scared money don’t make money... or get to see Michelle Obama up close and in person. (She was sharp, too!)

“I will not leave my fate in the hands of other individuals,” Hayes told WFAA. “I am a woman of integrity, and the allegations, they have no substance. They are false,” she added, standing a few yards away from a copy of the canceled check in the same pantsuit she probably wore to see Michelle.

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And I know you’re wondering why the Obama Aunties ladies quit instead of fighting the allegations. Well, it’s simple:

If they had been ousted from their positions, they couldn’t have run for mayor again. But since they resigned they can run again. They remain popular in the town and their names are already on the ballot for the majority black city’s May election.

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Isn’t that becoming?

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About the author

Michael Harriot

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.