trump
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Here’s What Trump’s Executive Order to End Family Separation at the Border Really Means
On Wednesday, President Donald Trump finally decided that he’d done enough damage in embarrassing America on a global stage and signed an executive order to end the separation of migrant children from their loved ones at the U.S. border. Didn’t matter that he could have done this weeks ago or that he never had to…
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It’s Not Slavery, It’s Not Japanese Internment: Trump’s Immigration Policy Is Like the Great Migration
America tried everything to keep the migrants out. Men and women were arrested at the border. Children were separated from parents. People got thrown in jail for violating random rules that nobody knew or understood. Kids went missing and the white nationalist president blamed his political opponents and the victims at the border. As much…
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In 1 Press Conference, Kirstjen Nielsen Just Beat Out Sarah Sanders for Most Hated Person in Trump’s White House
President Mein Führer von SpankDat is excluded from the “most hated in the White House” game because he would win every time. Before Monday’s press conference with Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen on the youth internment camps—which used to be big-box department stores or warehouses before becoming makeshift youth prisons—Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka…
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Jeff Sessions Quotes the Bible to Justify Abusing Immigrants; God Laughs
If you hear somebody quote the Bible outside of church, it’s usually not a good sign. The occasional gasp of “Jesus Christ” or “Gaht damn” and various forms of “Jesus be a fence” are all right, but those aren’t really Bible quotes and could denote anything from having missed the bus to winning the daily…
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Trump’s Personal Fixer Michael Cohen’s Lawyers Have Bailed, and He’s Expected to Sing Like 1986 El DeBarge
Michael Cohen, the president’s longtime fixer who is currently being pressed out by federal prosecutors in New York City, is drinking lemon tea with honey to prep his throat for his rendition of Mahalia Jackson’s “Amazing Grace,” and that’s because Cohen is getting ready to sing. I don’t want to brag, but I predicted this.…
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Dennis Rodman Arrives in Singapore Ahead of Trump and Kim Jong Un’s Summit, and This Proves I’m a Soothsayer
Look, I don’t like to brag, but I’m kind of a big deal. One of my best traits is how humble I am. I’ve been known to predict the weather, R&B-group breakups, LeBron James leaving Miami and leaving Cleveland again, and Dennis Rodman needing to be at the summit between North Korean leader Kim Jong…
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Stormy Daniels’ Lawyer Michael Avenatti Wanted Evidence of Rudy Giuliani’s Porn Habits. Looks Like He Found It
The lawyer beef started sometime last week after the president’s newest counsel, Rudy Giuliani, went on a sex-worker-bashing tirade in an attempt to defame Stormy Daniels’ alleged affair with President Donald Trump in 2006. “I don’t believe Stormy Daniels. … The business you were in entitles you to no degree of giving your credibility any…
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Judge of Characters: Your President Is Clueless
This week, the orange crayon of a human being proved that he’s just as clueless as we all thought he was. Donald Trump’s list of stupidity starts with champing at the bit to meet with Kim Kardashian West and goes into not knowing the words to “God Bless America,” then extends down to claiming that…
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Trump Wants to Posthumously Pardon Muhammad Ali, Who Rolled Over in His Grave so the President Could Kiss His Ass
Not sure if Donald Trump believes that all deceased black boxers need pardoning or if he just likes pardoning things, but during his nearly 18-minute rant on the White House lawn Friday before heading off to embarrass America once again on the global stage at the G-7 summit, the president floated the idea of pardoning…
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Here’s Why Colin Kaepernick’s Legal Team Should Subpoena the President in His NFL Collusion Case
President Donald Trump couldn’t let kneeling players kneel. For Trump, the players protesting the over-policing of black communities became political points for him to hold up as examples of turncoats who don’t honor the American flag. He called them “sons of bitches,” urged NFL owners to fire players who refused to stand for the national…