trump
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Trump Declares National Emergency and Then Goes Off the Rails In Unhinged Ramblefest
On Friday, as expected, President HooHoo Von WiffleStick walked out into the White House Rose Garden and used his executive powers to declare a national emergency to stop the influx of Mexican Decepticons at the Southern border and to aid Optimus Prime in the battle to keep America safe. “I’m going to be signing a…
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Homeward Bound: Disneyland Bans MAGA Fan After Displaying Trump Banner on Water Ride
If the Mickey Mouse Club were charged with sending MAGA-cheering buzzkills home packing, it might’ve gone a little something like this: M-I-C. See ya later. K-E-Y. Why? Because you’re fuckin’ buggin’. G-T-F-O-H. Walt Disney World properties have banned 49-year-old Dion Cini from its entire roster of properties for displaying a pro-Trump flag while riding Disneyland’s…
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Trump Will Sign Spending Bill, Declare National Emergency Because He Can't Stand Losing
The president lost the wall. Despite billing himself as the great negotiator who will get the deals done, his strong-arm tactics proved ineffective, highly ineffective. The president drove the government into the longest standstill in American history, demanding full funding for his border wall. In the end, he not only got no funding for his…
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President Trump's Physical Was Days Ago, So Where Are the Results? [Updated]
When the president had his routine physical last year, he was quick to usher out Dr. Ronny Jackson to do a press conference announcing that he was the most fit 71-year-old man whose diet consists of fast food. Oh, he swore that the president was only taking a low dose of cholesterol medicine and that…
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Former FBI Deputy Director Confirms There Were Talks to Invoke the 25th Amendment and Trump Mocks Him on Twitter
On Thursday, the president of the United States mocked former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe because the president of the United States was the kid in gym class who didn’t want to change in front of other boys, and now he’s president of the United States. Because the president uses his Russia-given position to sit…
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Trump's 'Executive Time' Just Got Serious as the President Has Purchased a $50,000 Golf Simulator: Report
President Lazy Thot has gone from heading to the golf course to bringing the golf course to the White House, having had a room-sized golf simulator installed to allow his lazy ass to play virtual rounds when he’s not napping. According to The Washington Post, Trump replaced former President Obama’s less sophisticated golf simulator, which…
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Rep. Ilhan Omar Claps Back at the Bigot In Chief: 'You Have Trafficked in Hate Your Whole Life'
Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) had time Wednesday morning when she clapped back at President Trump’s call for her to resign, noting that the president has trafficked in hate his whole life. In a tweet, the president’s preferred mode of communication because he’s basically a 13-year-old 7th grader, Omar tweeted: You know that Omar’s initial tweet…
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Trump Forgets He's Racist and Vile, Calls on Rep. Ilhan Omar to Resign Over Anti-Semitic Remarks
In the alternate universe where Trump lives—a universe that strangely resembles a trailer park on the side of a barely used freeway—the president can be one of the most vile, racist, xenophobic, hot-tempered, bullying, making fun of the disabled, Russian-elected officials to ever steal the White House and call for an actual American elected official…
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Trump Says He's Not 'Happy' With Border Deal and Continues to Lie About the Wall Being Built Right Now
On Tuesday, the president of people who buy jogging baby strollers said he’s not “happy” with a bipartisan agreement to prevent a government shutdown that provides $1.375 billion for fencing and other physical barriers along the Southern border, far less than the $5.7 billion the president has demanded in previous negotiations. “I don’t think you’re…
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Trump Supporter Attacks Media During Trump Rally and Trump Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
During another one of the president’s endless rallies in El Paso, Texas, on Monday, a supporter of the President Trump took the media-hater-in-chief’s consistent and frequent statements against the press literally and reportedly shoved a BBC cameraman before being taken away by security. The deplorable allegedly shouted “fuck the media” before issuing a series of…