trump
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White House Defends Trump's 'Executive Time' After Leaker Reveals Sir Nap-A-Lot's Schedule
To hear the president tell it, he’s a hardworking commander-in-chief who would never take nap during “executive time” no matter what his aides tell the media. He was resting his eyes…and praying. Look, a man needs time to meditate after a family size bucket of extra crispy KFC, two Filet o’ Fish and a 2-liter…
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Trump Appointed Members of Mar-a-Lago and His Private Golf Clubs to be Ambassadors: Report
Apparently it doesn’t take much these days to become the ambassador of a country like say, South Africa. In fact in Trump’s administration it seems the only things that are needed are paid memberships to his resorts or private golf cubs. Maybe ambassadorships are included in the exclusive package deals at Trump’s private Mar-a-Lago resort…
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As President Trump's Physical Approaches, He's Not Done Anything the Doctor Told Him To
President Hamburglar’s annual physical is on the horizon, and he’s not done anything the doctor said because the president doesn’t listen to anyone. He literally doesn’t listen to advisers, members of Congress, the FBI, the CIA. He will, however, listen to Fox News, so maybe they should’ve suggested that the president lose a dozen pounds…
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Turns Out Trump’s Fine and He’s Tweeting Again
I was worried that the lid on President Trump’s sleeping coffin might have been too tight after his State of the Union speech because the president of people who support Liam Neeson took a break from bashing folks on Twitter, which has become his way since taking office. Well, it looks like the president just…
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Trump Eerily Silent After SOTU Speech and I Have a Lot of Questions
Where is President HooHoo Von Swizzledick? It’s been 13 hours since the president delivered his long-ass, shoutout speech, in which he begged up Navy veterans, a child cancer patient, himself and his wife, Melania—who came to the State of the Union in a separate car because even she’s hate riding with his ass—and the president…
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Hey, Bernie Sanders Can You STFU After the SOTU and Let Stacey Abrams Shine?
I thought after the “Bernie Bros.” reportedly ditched their liberal persona and voted for Donald Trump in an effort to “bern” Hillary Clinton that everyone had learned their lesson and informally agreed to play nice. As it stands, we’ve got an orange demigod in the White House who needs to be sent packing in 2020.…
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White Tax Tears: Trump Voters Are Now Realizing They've Been Had
Americans with a full set of teeth and a healthy disdain for Liam Neeson tried to warn the rest of the massive amount of dummies that Trump wasn’t for y’all, either. Of course, that didn’t stop the midwestern MAGAts from running to the polls to vote for the reality TV charlatan who had no foreign…
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Major Leak Proves That Lazy Thot President Spends About 60 Percent of His Day in ‘Executive Time’
The White House is in full panic mode after a major leak confirmed that the president of the United States spends most of his day doing absolutely nothing. Of course, his schedule doesn’t say that he’s doing absolutely nothing, but that is, in fact, what he’s doing—nothing. According to leaked schedules obtained by Axios, the…
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‘Night Queen’ Kellyanne Conway Called Cory Booker Sexist Because She Knows Winter Is Coming
Presidential advisor and proof that not all White Walkers live beyond the wall, Kellyanne Conway might have made the dumbest comment in her long history of dumb comments. During an appearance on the president’s favorite reality television show, Fox & Friends, the warm-weather White Walker suggested that Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) was somehow sexist for…
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Sen. Lindsey Graham and President Trump Prove That a White Man's Arrest Is Worse Than a Black Man's Death
Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) is fed up with the way law enforcement overstep their authority in dealing with suspects, so he’s doing something about it. On Wednesday, Graham found time in his busy schedule, which included a full four hours of complimenting the cut of the president’s suit and his exquisite jawline,…