NFL Picks Maroon 5 For Super Bowl in America's Biggest Black Music Scene Because... Of Course

In keeping with its trend of appeasing fans who believe God so loved the world he gave us his only begotten son whose name is either Tom Brady or Donald Trump, the National Football League decided to overlook the 1,203,034 musical acts in Atlanta, Ga. and announced that Maroon 5 will perform at halftime of Super Bowl…

America Will Not Stop Until Martin Luther King Jr. Is Completely Rebranded as a Slice of Avocado Toast 

America’s progressive distilling, dissolution and dissolving of Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy and the accompanying appropriation of his words is truly a wonder to behold. It is like watching someone pour themselves a shot of Jack Daniels—but in a gallon jug instead of a shot glass. And then watching them add more…

It’s a Week Before the Super Bowl, and the Biggest Story in Sports Is a ... Draft for the NBA All-Star Game?

Football is still America’s most popular sport. And the NFL our biggest and most popular sports league. But while the NFL’s status as the king of America’s sports hill remains, I don’t remember its position ever being as precarious. To wit, each of the biggest NFL-related stories of the year has been extremely…