relationships
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Thoughts Can Do Harm: In Defense of ‘Policing’ Our Fantasies
I wanted to kill my boyfriend in ways that let me observe his suffering and return the power in our relationship to my hands. The thought crossed my mind in the heat of an argument. It is a dangerous, albeit relatable, thought for many people who have experienced romantic love. Although I will not commit…
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Starting Fresh: 5 Things I’m Leaving Behind in 2017
New year, new me. People make fun of that saying, but if you think about it, it is a mood, a message and a lifestyle. Each year on Dec. 31, we shed at least some part of our old selves and take on new habits, ideas or mantras. For me, Dec. 31, 2017, was no…
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What Well-Meaning Men Don’t Understand When It Comes to Life as a Woman
It seems we can’t go but a few days without hearing about another famous man’s name being linked to sexual harassment allegations. This has led to conversations from well-meaning men who don’t understand the prevalence of the threat of harassment. Well-meaning men have asked everything from the stupid, “Do I need to apologize to every…
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Sex on the 1st Date: Yes or No?
There was a time when sex on the first date was considered taboo. Is that still a thing? To be clear, most times when this was and is talked about, it’s in reference to women and never men. No one ever looks down on the man who “gets some” on the first date, but the…
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My Significant Other Made Up an Elaborate Backstory to Steal My Shirt
The following words were approved by my household. My life is a fun one. I’ve got awesome children, and my home is full of love and often the smell of the holidays and gingerbread houses because my woman has somehow decided that boiling (and forgetting to turn off the eye until it’s too late—I spend…
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Is He Playing With Your Emotions and Wasting Your Time?
Sometimes we want someone so badly, we overlook all the warning signs and red flags that should send us running in the opposite direction. Other times, we are already waist-deep in emotions and feelings before we realize that the dude has no intentions toward us, accepts no accountability for his actions and is really just…
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Letting Him Back In: Why Are We Unable to Let Go of Our Problematic Exes?
It could all be so simpleBut you’d rather make it hardLoving you is like a battleAnd we both end up with scarsTell me who I have to beTo get some reciprocitySee, no one loves you more than me And no one ever will. I can’t count how many times I played Lauryn Hill’s “Ex-Factor,” singing…
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A Woman-to-Woman Conversation About a Man Is Not Always the Move
“Hello? May I speak to Barbara? Barbara, this is Shirley.” So begins a classic R&B song where one sista reaches out to another to have a woman-to-woman conversation about the man they are unwittingly sharing. Shirley found Barbara’s number in her man’s pockets and decided to call Barbara to break the news to her. But…
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Why Emotional Maturity and Emotional Intelligence Are Important for Healthy Relationships
Emotional maturity and emotional intelligence are key factors in maintaining healthy relationships—romantic or otherwise. Many people are lacking in these areas, which leads to a breakdown in communication and, ultimately, complications in or even the breakup of relationships. There is no way to navigate relationship politics without these skill sets, yet most people don’t even…
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‘She’s Gotta Have It’ … but Do We?
I remember the first time I saw She’s Gotta Have It, Spike Lee’s groundbreaking, critically acclaimed and very first “joint,” which premiered in 1986. When it debuted on HBO a year later, I was 12, a latchkey kid, and the parental controls that would lock me out of my parents’ premium channels after school had…