relationships
-
Incidents in the Life of a Serial Nonmonogamist
I wasn’t planning on meeting anyone, and I wasn’t planning on liking him. It was late last summer in New York City. I had come for a work event, and ended up with some extra time on my hands in the city. I should have been on a plane on my way back home to…
-
Don’t ‘Fix’ My Problem. Acknowledge That It Exists
I’m in a real, grown-up relationship. We’re engaged, but it already involves kids, a mortgage, car payments, bills, blended families, vacations and real-life decisions. It also involves fun, but it’s less of the boozy-brunch variety and more of the adult-with-kid fun that occurs when you hang with the other homies with kids at each other’s…
-
Why I Hate Referring to Anybody in My Family as ‘Step’ Anything
For roughly the past six months, I’ve had the opportunity to talk and write about my family in a way that is more substantive than I have in all my years of writing; most discussions were spurred from the article about how politics had created a rift between my (white) mother and me. In nearly…
-
Sex Is Not a Gift, and Other Things You Need to Know About Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is Wednesday, and everyone is gearing up to show the one they love how special they are. I’ve seen conversations all across social media about what people will be giving their significant others, and I thought that now is as good a time as any to clear up a few misconceptions people may…
-
#RelationshipGoals and the Unrealistic Expectation of Picture-Perfectness
When you consider being in a relationship with someone and you think of the expectations you have for that relationship, what do you base them on? Do you look to other couples whom you admire for inspiration or are your expectations grounded in what you know about your potential partner? On any given day, you…
-
Who Gets the Friends in the Breakup?
Recently, a couple I have known for a long time split up—much to the surprise and disappointment of everyone around them. They were the kind of couple that threw amazing dinner and cocktail parties, who were the picture of love and affection everywhere they went, and generally made you feel good whenever you were around…
-
Building Good Relationships Means Creating Real Intimacy
Connected. If I had to describe what intimacy means in one word, that would be the word. Connected. You being in tune with your partner and your partner being in tune with you. Puzzle pieces that fit together the way they are meant to, working together to make a beautiful thing. Intimacy is that connection.…
-
Time’s Up on Men Telling Single Women How to Be Worthy of Marriage
The straights are at it again. Over the weekend, singer Ciara caused an internet stir when she posted on Instagram a clip from a sermon by Houston’s Lakewood megachurch pastor John Gray telling single women why they’re not married. “Too many women want to be married but you’re walking in the spirit of ‘girlfriend,’” Pastor…
-
Living Single: I May Never Get Married—and I’m Fine With That
“I may never get married,” I said. At 22, what seemed like a statement of fact to me brought a look of horror to the face of my friend’s mother. “Don’t say that!” she said. From the alarm in her voice, it was clear she felt that I’d put a curse on my soul and…
-
The Myth of Closure in Relationships
In our last #TheRootAfterDark Twitter chat, we discussed the differences between “baggage” and “experience” and how to tell the difference between the two. A recurring theme among the people who admitted to still carrying around baggage from previous relationships was the idea that most of them were still looking for “closure.” Closure is a funny…