relationships
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Black Marriage, Explained, in 20 Questions About Pie
(Sidenote: I will neither confirm nor deny that these pie-related questions were asked in my house in a 24-hour span.) 1. “Did you get that racist-ass pie again, or the good pie?” 2. “You know that you’re the buyer of racist pies in this household, not me, right?” 3. “Remember the first time we had pie…
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Are You Seeking Perfection or Just a Good Fit?
In the dating world, we all start out with some idea of what we want and are looking for in a prospective partner or love interest. As we meet people who we think have potential, we tally up and score them based on our set of criteria. We’ve spoken about preferences before, and we’ve established…
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The All-American Question: Can You Truly Love Black People if You Date Outside the Race?
Whether it is about a same-sex, interracial or nonconforming relationship, as a rule, I tend not to involve myself in the question of whom other people choose to love, and it’s not because I have a self-righteous sense of egalitarian, progressive thinking. It’s mostly because I have one universal rule for other people’s masturbation, relationships…
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Black Life, White Wife and the Art Caught in the Middle
Over the weekend, Donald Glover, aka Childish Gambino, dropped a video for a new song called “This Is America.” You are reading this, which means there’s a better than 90 percent chance that you’ve both seen the video and had a discussion about it already. Probably several. I assume, based on the imagery and visuals…
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The 1st Date Was Successful. Now What?
Dating in the age of Twitter should really come with a manual or a rulebook or at least some guidelines for what happens after you successfully complete the first date and decide that you want to continue seeing the person. I either like you all the way or I don’t; there is no in-between. This…
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Survivor’s Remorse: On Junot Díaz and the Collateral Damage of Trauma
I began this week in tears. Early Monday morning, hot, torrential tears were flowing as if I were in the midst of my last heartbreak—or the one before that, or the one before that. I was reading Junot Díaz’s searingly confessional essay in the New Yorker about confronting and coping with his childhood rape. Like…
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When He Talks That Talk and Walks That Walk
Editor’s note: This is part 4 of a multipart series. Catch up with part 1 , part 2 and part 3. If I’ve said this before, it bears repeating: There is something to be said about a man who puts actions behind his words. Y’all know what I’m talking about. We’ve all been talked to…
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It’s the Little Things
Editor’s note: This is part 3 of a multipart series. Catch up with part 1 and part 2. I was on a high for the entire week after our encounter. I got back home to Los Angeles and did everything with a grin on my face. I felt like I was walking on a cloud.…
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Cheating: Who, What, Why and How to Recover
Cheating. Infidelity. Adultery. “Playing” on your girlfriend. “Creeping” on your man. Home-wrecking. No matter which of those words or phrases you use, they all refer to the same concept: a betrayal of trust in your romantic relationship. I have been both the person cheated on and the person who cheated in past relationships. The pain…
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Is Flirting a Form of Cheating?
I am an incurable flirt. It is a big part of my personality, and it is something that often happens without me being conscious of it. For the most part it is harmless. I’m not going to lie—I have used flirting to my advantage to get my way in public with both men and women.…