Stephen Miller and Lou Dobbs Have a White Tears-a-thon on Fox News

Illustration for article titled Stephen Miller and Lou Dobbs Have a White Tears-a-thon on Fox News
Screenshot: Fox News

Admittedly I don’t watch a lot of white television except for Succession, so I wasn’t aware that Fox News was running a telenovela so compelling that two grown white men were on TV bawling their eyes out—and all this time I thought liberals were the snowflakes.

Trump’s team has been treating this election the same way that I do the scale when I weigh myself. I weigh myself and then I go “oh fuck this, something must be wrong with this scale!” I check the scale and step on it again and decide it’s because I have on all these crazy clothes. Then, I weigh myself naked. Then, I move the scale around different parts of the bathroom floor until finally I’m convinced the scale is broken and throw it out.

“Trump currently trails by 7.1 million votes and 4.4 percentage points, the Electoral College will meet Dec. 14 to cement Biden’s 306-232 electoral victory, Trump’s team keeps losing recounts and court challenges, and Rudy Giuliani, the attorney leading his fringe legal effort, is in the hospital with COVID-19,” The Week reports.


Trump has lost the presidential election but that hasn’t stopped Fox Business’ Lou Dobbs and Trump’s favorite racist immigration asshole, Stephen Miller, from crying in their cornflakes.

On Monday night, the deplorables got together for a good cry sesh, in which Dobbs wanted to know why Miller and the rest of the Trump administration weren’t hopping on “Sen. Ted Cruz’s (R-Texas) offer to argue a Pennsylvania case before the Supreme Court, should the high court decide to hear the challenge.”

Trump is “fighting all alone,” Dobbs cried.

He’s fighting all aloooonnnneeee. I swear they act like this grown-ass man is a child left alone in a house during Christmastime.


Dobbs continued: “And Ted Cruz has stepped up to say he’ll argue before the Supreme Court. Why on God’s green Earth wouldn’t the White House jump on it?”

Miller, who was also in his full-on tears bag, tried to explain that GOP state legislatures should overturn Biden victories and just say fuck all those people who voted. But Dobbs cut him off: “No! No, Stephen. I’m not going to let you do this!” he said. “You and I, we’re reasonably smart and decent fellows. Why don’t you answer me? That’s all I’m asking here, Stephen.”


If I stopped Dobb’s statement here (go back and read it), tell me they don’t sound like two lovers arguing at the end of a relationship. I can’t with these two.

Dobbs continued: “Why don’t you guys jump and salute Ted Cruz and say, ‘Yes, we want you on the team’ now? My God, this is not a time for internecine nonsense on the part of the Republican Party, which is watching its blood drain into the streets because they’re gutless!”


Dobbs was so upset he even noted that the Trump campaign should hire Democratic election lawyer Marc Elias for $500 million, to “get him out of your way.”


Elias took to Twitter to wonder aloud as to why his name was being mentioned in a lover’s spat:


You hate to see it—except when you don’t.


Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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BIMming It

You and I, we’re reasonably smart and decent fellows.”

lmfao, I at least agree that the two of you are comparable in terms of intelligence and decency... in that you both lack either.