Seven Remarkably Simple-Ass And Cheap-Ass Tips For Men Having Trouble Meeting Women

Comedy Central screenshot
Comedy Central screenshot

There have been a few pieces on VSB recently that some of our readers felt were kinda hard on and/or insensitive to "good guys" who legitimately have trouble meeting and interacting with women. Namely, Panama Jackson's "Dear Black Men:Black Women Always (Always!) Show Up To Events. Why Don't You?" and a piece I wrote Tuesday on Ciara and Russell Wilson. "Good guys" is in quotes, again, because the definition about what makes a guy "good" in this context often just comes down to "hasn't done anything outwardly criminal, and believes this entitles him to Paula Patton." But I'll concede that, despite whichever numbers/ratio inequality that would seem to suggest otherwise, there are legitimately good dudes out there who consistently run into brick walls when attempting to meet women. With that in mind, I've decided to offer some remarkably simple-ass and (relatively) cheap-ass tips — seriously, this is some Fisher Price-level shit — that can and should help.


Oh, and before we continue, let me be clear that these will not be tips on how to talk to women, how to get phone numbers from women, how to have sex with women, how to get women to take you to Red Lobster, or how to convince women to co-sign on car loans. You're on your own with that.

(Also, this is advice for straight guys. And the women I'll speak of when I speak of women today are women attracted to guys.)

1. Smell good

It's usually wise to stay away from gender-based universalities. Because people are different and shit. And different people like different shit. But unless there's a cadre of female shitphiles out there I just haven't encountered, I can confidentially say that every single woman I've ever met appreciates it when guys smell good. "How does that help meet women?" you ask. Well, "Having women enjoy being around you" is a very good way to "meet women."

Also, please note that "smelling good" and "actively not smelling bad" are not the same thing. Just because you don't smell like a dead squirrel stuck in a zombie's esophagus doesn't mean you smell good. Find a scent that works for you and rock it and shit.

2. Leave the fucking house

If you are single and you happen to live by yourself, this (probably) means there are no women at your house. And also that, if you want to meet these women — who, remember, will not be at your house — you have to leave it at some point to do it.


3. Work out

I'm not suggesting this for aesthetic purposes. (Although those matter too.) But if you're in better shape, you'll start feeling better about yourself. And your clothes will fit a little better, your stance will be a little straighter, your step will have a bit more pep, and your chest will stick out a bit more with that walk. And while none of these are surefire solutions to help you meet women, this shit aint going to hurt either.


4. Update your wardrobe

There is such a thing as too trendy. Basically, you never go full Westbrook. But it wouldn't hurt to thumb through a GQ or an Esquire or even the thousands of style-based Tumblrs and Instagram pages out there and grab some tips.


5. Find a way to maximize the you-est you possible

It's not uncommon on lists like this to find suggestions advising people to cut down or just give up certain hobbies thought to be woman-repellent. And yes, by "certain hobbies thought to be woman repellent" I'm totally talking about "gaming." Now, I'm not much of a gamer myself. I haven't played an actual video game since 2001. (Once it got past Playstation, I was done.) But I do know enough about them to know that women play video games too. So, if you're really into gaming…go to a gaming convention. No, there won't be women in your basement. But I'll bet you'll meet some at the convention center. And the same goes for other hobbies and/or interests you might have that seem to limit your interaction with the opposite sex. If you're into tech shit, save up one year and make a trip to SXSW. If you're into obscure film, go to Sundance. And, if you're into R. Kelly, go to church. (Not because there's women there, but because that's where you need to be.)


6. Host a game night

I know, I know, I know. "Leave the fucking house" seems to contradict this. But I suggested you leave the house because there are no women there. If you host a party at your place, though, women will come. And yes, if you happen to be reading this and happen to be Black and happen to live in a city with at least 27 Black people, I can 100% guarantee that people will show up to a game night you throw. Because unless you happen to live in New York or D.C. or on one of Diddy's yachts, if you're Black and you want to hang out with other Black people, you're used to having your night life options limited to "that pseudo bougie place that'll make me wear a fucking blazer to get in even though they let Anthony Mackie in with a white t-shirt and some Vans last week" or "that hood place with the great wings and the parking lot shootouts." And, since this is true, "there's nothing else to do tonight, so I guess I'll hit up Matt's thing" happens all the fucking time.


Also, if you're a person who happens to be introverted and/or socially awkward and the thought of having a bunch of people at your place gives you chills, consider this: If you're the one hosting the party, you're 1) in control and 2) automatically the "cool" one. You can decide what food to serve and which games to play and which bathroom people are allowed to use and when they have to go home. You also have a built-in excuse to talk to and introduce yourself to women who happen to be there, and being "the guy throwing the party" automatically makes you 15% cooler than you'd usually be.

7. Rock a witty t-shirt

If you're a guy reading this, and you happened to purchase one of our I Love Bougie Black Girls t-shirts, raise your hand. Keep that hand up if you've ever had a woman stop you in the street to ask where you got the shirt. Or stop you in the street to compliment/and or laugh at it. Or stop you in the street to take a selfie with you. Or stop you in the street to give you a 400 word screed about why she's not Bougie.


You see all these hands, guy who has trouble meeting women? (I know you can't. But trust me. There are a lot of hands up.)

And if the Bougie thing isn't your speed, guess what? There are dozens of shirts out there — shirts with funny slogans or fictional Black colleges or names of Black activists and obscure Black history facts and characters played by Clifton Powell — that would produce the same response. And, they'd provide the added benefit of signaling that you're witty or cool or clever or corny (not a bad corny, but a self-aware corny) without you actually having to do anything other than give $15 to Teespring.


Remember, these are just some simple-ass and cheap-ass tips. If you try them and they don't work, don't expect a refund.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)



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