Secret Service Spends $3,000 a Month for Bathroom, Because Jared and Ivanka Won’t Let Them Use Their Toilet

Illustration for article titled Secret Service Spends $3,000 a Month for Bathroom, Because Jared and Ivanka Won’t Let Them Use Their Toilet
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So the Secret Service can take a bullet for Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump but they can’t even use their bathroom. Like during segregation, the Secret Service reportedly spends some $3,000 a month for a toilet close to the Kushner-Trump home because they can’t use one of the 6.5 bathrooms inside the couple’s home.

Look I totally get it. The Kushner-Trump ass cheeks are some of the finest European asses out there. Just ask Sen. Lindsey Graham or Rep. Matt Gaetz, who have become butt barnacles since the Trumps took office. So it is a bit much to ask that the commoners of the Secret Service share bowl space with the asses of white supremacy.

From the Washington Post:

Instructed not to use any of the half-dozen bathrooms inside the couple’s house, the Secret Service detail assigned to President Trump’s daughter and son-in-law spent months searching for a reliable restroom to use on the job, according to neighbors and law enforcement officials. After resorting to a porta-potty, as well as bathrooms at the nearby home of former president Barack Obama and the not-so-nearby residence of Vice President Pence, the agents finally found a toilet to call their own.

The White House asked to borrow a van Gogh. The Guggenheim offered a gold toilet instead.

But it came at a cost to U.S. taxpayers. Since September 2017, the federal government has been spending $3,000 a month — more than $100,000 to date — to rent a basement studio, with a bathroom, from a neighbor of the Kushner family.

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A White House spokesperson denied that Trump and Kushner restricted agents from their 5,000-square-foot home, but I doubt that the Secret Service would go to such lengths to secure a shitter for their folks if the couple opened their bathroom to them. The White House also claimed that the Secret Service decided that the protective detail wouldn’t come in the house and rather secure the property from the outside, but a source told the Post that’s bullshit. Kushner and Trump reportedly didn’t want anyone using their bathrooms.

“They sort of came in with the attitude, like, ‘We are royalty,’” Dianne Bruce, who, until recently, lived across the street, said of Kushner and Trump, the Washington Post reports. “When they put the porta-potty right outside on the sidewalk we weren’t allowed to walk on, that was when people in the neighborhood said, ‘That’s really not acceptable.’”

So the porta-potty was canceled.

Also, can we just pause for a moment to imagine how weird it must be for a Secret Service officer to knock on former President Obama’s door doing the pee-pee dance only for Obama to open the door and point to the bathroom? Also also, can we just appreciate the love that Obama has for the country to allow the Secret Service on another detail to use his facilities?!

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Goddamn, I love this man.

OK, wait. Turns out the Secret Service didn’t have to knock on Obama’s door as they had a bathroom situation in a garage that the Obamas didn’t use, but that was shut down after an officer left an unpleasant mess in the commode.

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So the Obamas’ garage bathroom was also canceled.

Officers then started driving to Vice President Mike Pence’s place like, “Yo, Mike. I need to use the shitter.”

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But that was a mile away.

So they had to rent an apartment just to have a place to use the restroom at a cost of $3,000 a month to taxpayers because the Trump-Kushner don’t fuck with common people’s butt cheeks.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

that was shut down after an officer left an unpleasant mess in the commode.

I’m sorry; but there is always someone at work who does this. I don’t how many times I have gone into a stall to find out that someone not only missed to bowl, they missed the freaking floor from the runs going down the wall. And lets not even talk about the more disgusting messes left by those with GI issues that don’t clean up after themselves.