Secretary of State Rex Tillerson Has 1 Foot Out of the White House and the Other on a Banana Peel

Alex Wong/Getty Images
Alex Wong/Getty Images

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is currently updating his LinkedIn profile to include his work at the White House. He’s spent a good portion of his morning calling friends to see who’s hiring, and practicing saying the word “funemployment,” because he’s out. Everyone knows he’s out, including Tillerson. Which is the reason he’s been combing through his Facebook contacts to see with whom he should be taking coffee over the coming weeks because he’s going to have a ton of free time on his hands.


Tillerson, much like the rest of the appointees in the White House, was a disaster from the start.

Here’s how CNN categorized his time in his gifted position:

Administration officials have chafed at Tillerson’s resistance to [Donald] Trump policy positions, lawmakers have expressed alarm about his cuts to the State Department, staff there decry the agency’s dysfunction and senior members of the U.S. national security establishment from both parties warn that he is creating a “national security emergency,” in the words of former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright.

So if rumors coming out of the White House are to be believed, which they are, Tillerson is out and will be replaced by CIA Director Mike Pompeo.

Sen. Tom Cotton, the goofy, Trump-loving Arkansas Republican who would hold the president’s nut sack if asked nicely, would most likely be expected to take over the reins at the CIA.

When asked by reporters about Tillerson’s potential dismissal, CNN reports that Trump offered, “He’s here, Rex is here,” which we all know in Trump-speak means, he’s here today, but I can’t guarantee that he’ll be here tomorrow.

White House press secretary Sarah “Suckabee” Sanders echoed the president’s position. Seriously, she literally repeated the exact phrase, “Rex is here.”


She did add, in a statement viewed by CNN, “Secretary Tillerson continues to lead the State Department and the entire Cabinet is focused on completing this incredibly successful first year of President Trump’s administration.”

I expect the president to break something in the Oval Office because he’s upset that he can’t stop leaks from coming out of the White House, but Tillerson is done. In fact, the only thing prolonging his exit is the fact that the press got wind of it early, and there is one thing the president can’t stand, and that’s being upstaged.


Let’s not forget that Tillerson once reportedly called Trump a “moron,” and we all know that’s all it takes for President Petty to cast you out of the kingdom (Mama Dee voice).

Read more at CNN.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


Not Enough Day Drinking

Secretary Tillerson continues to lead the State Department

I hope she used air quotes around “lead.” Just because you’re sitting in the pilot’s seat doesn’t mean you’re a qualified pilot.

I also think it’s hilarious that the next secretary of state is going to be a former head of the CIA. I’m sure that’ll go a long way to making other countries trust us more.

Like if I tried to imagine the most incompetent administration I could think of 2 years ago, I would’ve even have come close to the levels on display here.

It’s almost like Trump has a room full of the smartest people in the country giving him excellent advice while he’s looking at pictures of teenage beauty pageants on his phone and then afterwards he says to a lackey ‘whatever they said in there, do the opposite.’