Russian TV Mockingly Prepares for Nuclear War With Real Nuclear-War Instructions

Illustration for article titled Russian TV Mockingly Prepares for Nuclear War With Real Nuclear-War Instructions
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The news clip was supposed to be a joke about how Russia is gearing up for a nuclear war with the United States, except the potential for an actual nuclear war exists, since America is currently being run by a circus clown minus the shoes, and Russia is being run by a Mafia gangster who wrestles bears shirtless.


Russian state-owned TV news channel Vesti 24 ran the unfunny segment instructing residents on how to stock bunkers with water and basic foods should the one-sided Twitter bashing from America’s president actually turn into a real war.

In response to the chemical attack in Syria, which is a little brother to Russia, President Donald Trump has threatened war, which Russian officials have noted would lead to retaliation. Which led the president of HawkSpit, Kan., to tweet Wednesday:

As if the president of BackWash, Texas, isn’t enough to joke about, the Russian news station decided to make fun of an impending war between the U.S. and Russia.

“The beginning of the program had a mocking tone about war fears, as pictures of nuclear explosions played in the background. A newscaster said the ‘real panic isn’t here but across the ocean,’ suggesting that Americans are terrified of a war with Russia,” Newsweek reports.

According to Newsweek, the news station warned of a “catastrophic” conflict between the two superpowers and recommended that people buy salt and oatmeal, noting that they can last a long time on the shelves inside a bunker. The anchor then explained that the shelf life of powdered milk is five years and sugar can last eight years, and then showed video of a person cooking pasta in a bomb shelter because all of this is ... funny.

The newscasters continued this line of humor, noting how much water people should store for drinking, preparing food every day, and washing their faces and hands. Since we all know that nothing says “funny” like purchasing a gas mask, the news station also noted that Russian residents should buy one and also read up on how to survive war.


So, yeah, Russian TV finds potential nuclear war funny, and I guess I’m missing the joke.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



Never prepare for nuclear war. Only a fool would choose to live in the aftermath of that.