President TrumPutin Trusts Breitbart More Than the FBI

Win McNamee/Getty Images
Win McNamee/Getty Images

FBI Director James Comey has asked the Justice Department to refute President Vladimir TrumPutin’s claim that President Barack Obama wiretapped Trump Tower in New York City prior to the November 2016 presidential election. The FBI wanted to refute the claim for a few reasons:

  1. The new leader of the free world is a batshit-crazy megalomanic who can’t even fucking spray-tan properly.
  2. The claims are so ridiculous and false that they warrant someone coming out and saying that they are so ridiculous and false.
  3. If then-President Obama did wiretap Trump Tower, he would have had to involve the FBI, and our current dumb-ass president doesn’t know how anything works, so he didn’t realize that in trying to drag Obama’s holy name into the mud, he was mudding up other departments.
  4. The American public is wise enough to realize this “Hey, I’ve been tapped” sleight-of-hand bullshit is really meant to take the pressure off looking into TrumPutin’s obvious ties to Russia.

And all of this began because of a hack piece of fake news published by the white supremacist rag Breitbart.

White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders noted Monday morning that President TrumPutin doesn’t accept the FBI’s denial about his being tapped by the former president’s administration, Yahoo! News reports.

“The administration was wiretapping American citizens,” Sanders said. “His administration could have done this.”

Sanders appears to be referencing the National Security Agency’s “mass collection of telephonic metadata from millions of Americans as evidence to support the claim, although she did not mention it directly,” Yahoo! reports.


But here is what’s funny to me: The president took to Twitter with damning tweets calling the former president a “bad” and/or “sick” guy for wiretapping Trump Tower. He did this with no evidence. And the president’s tweets were definitive. Now White House spokesperson Sanders goes on a morning talk show and vaguely references NSA bulk telephone-data collection and notes that the Obama administration “might have done this” to the president?

Needless to say, a spokesman for former President Obama issued a strong denial regarding Trump’s accusation, and basically called the current president a petulant toddler with a wispy comb-over.


“A cardinal rule of the Obama administration was that no White House official ever interfered with any independent investigation led by the Department of Justice,” Obama spokesman Kevin Lewis said in a statement Saturday, Yahoo! reports. “As part of that practice, neither President Obama nor any White House official ever ordered surveillance on any U.S. citizen. Any suggestion otherwise is simply false.”

Trump spokeswoman Sanders said that the president wants Congress to investigate this bullshit, obviously in hopes that it will take the heat off of his perverted sexual relationship with Mother Russia.


“The president wants the truth to come out to the American people through the House Intelligence Committee and that is the process we go through,” she said.

And this administration is in charge of nuclear codes.

Read more at Yahoo! News.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



Is it any surprise that he trusts Breitbart more than literally any other news source? If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have named Bannon as Chief Strategist or Grand Wizard or whatever the fuck his bullshit title is.

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder—assuming the nation survives this assclown—about the sheer number and scale of added laws and regulations around the Presidency that are going to go up because of this piece of shit. Things that we thought would have been obvious beforehand. Things that had been previously unwritten rules, because it was inconceivable that anyone would ever think to break them, or break them and still be elected (i.e. a candidate withholding all tax/financial data, a candidate—and then later, a President—openly challenging the soundness of the voting process without any evidence whatsoever, the President being allowed to completely ignore security and diplomatic briefings, the President being allowed to kick experts off the NSC and insert a racist blow-up doll in their stead, the President making repeated potentially defamatory remarks about, like, everything without a shred of evidence, etc... I mean, holy shit the list just keeps on fucking going).

And the best part is that you know, again, assuming the country survives and becomes stronger after kicking this asshat out, he will absolutely take credit for any and all regulations that are put into place because of his own incompetence or malice. “I’m getting a lot of thanks because before me, Presidents were legally allowed to conspire with foreign powers for financial gain while in office, because spineless politicians unwilling to change that. Sad! I Made America Great Again!”