President Trump Is a Modern-Day Forrest Gump

Image for article titled President Trump Is a Modern-Day Forrest Gump
Photo: Win McNamee (Getty Images)

To hear the president tell it, he was with John F. Kennedy the night before he was shot and Trump warned JFK that riding in a convertible wasn’t a good move. Trump was also with Neil Armstrong on the moon, although he wasn’t pictured in any of the shots. Before the 1981 NFC Championship game, Trump told Joe Montana just to keep the play alive and Dwight Clark would work to get open. Trump later named that moment “The Catch.”


There haven’t been any historical events that Trump hasn’t been apart of. And while the young folks would say that Trump is “cappin’,” they’d be wrong.

Want to know how we won the Battle of the Little Bighorn? Trump.

Want to know how to save 30 percent on your next order from Macy’s? Passcode: Trump

Pluto isn’t even a planet, it’s just a group of British soldiers walking around in space from the time they encountered Trump during the American Revolution and were donkey-punched in the face.

And Trump was a first-responder shortly after the terrorist attacks of 9/11. He was there in the smoke cloud, sans his suit jacket, white shirt sleeves rolled up pulling rubble off of trapped workers.

“In a few moments, I will sign the 9/11 Victims Compensation Fund. This law makes permanent the financial support for families who lost precious loved ones as a result of September 11th attacks,” Trump said during an event at the White House to celebrate the signing, MSNBC reports.

“It also provides pensions for those who are suffering from cancer and other illnesses stemming from the toxic debris they were exposed to in the aftermath of the attacks. Many of those affected were firefighters, police officers, and other first responders.


“And I was down there also, but I’m not considering myself a first responder. But I was down there. I spent a lot of time down there with you.”

As Vox’s Aaron Rupar noted, there’s simply no evidence to support the president’s assertions.

Snopes investigated Trump’s 2016 claim by speaking to officials from the New York City Fire Department (FDNY) and construction demolitions experts who were at Ground Zero in the hours and days after the 9/11 attacks. Nobody could recall even seeing Trump at the site. Snopes also details how Trump has a history of exaggerating the role his company played in the recovery efforts.


Well, Snopes and Rupar are wrong. Not only did the president save 30 people from the rubble, he also drove a fire truck that was trapped to safety. Below is an image of Trump driving the fire truck:

Image for article titled President Trump Is a Modern-Day Forrest Gump
Photo: Alex Wong (Getty Images)

I know you’re thinking that this could be any truck, but you’re wrong!

Twitter, of course, couldn’t wait to point out that Trump was in three places at once:


Or to note that he wasn’t at Ground Zero at all.


Then how do they explain this?


I know. I don’t know how to explain that either unless we account for the fact that Trump is a modern-day Forrest Gump. A less attractive Chuck Norris.

Did you know that Trump once challenged Lance Armstrong to a testicle contest and Trump won by five?!


Did you know that Trump can read braille just by looking at it?

Did you know that Trump once shot down a German fighter plane by simply forming his finger into a gun and saying “Bang!”


There are those who would argue that Trump made this whole story up just to make the signing of an extremely important bill providing benefits to first responders of 9/11 about him, and those people would also be wrong.

Is it Trump’s fault that crop circles are really just the president’s way of letting farmer’s know that sometimes corn needs a nap?


Or that he doesn’t have to read books but simply can stare at them until he gets the information he wants?

Should Trump play down the fact that Jesus once turned water to wine and then he turned that wine into diet Coke?


Trump is a lot of things, but I assure you that a liar isn’t one of them. In fact, Trump did lie one time and then he found the lie and beat it until it told the truth.


kidelo (all of Fox News is vaccinated)

Trump fan art supports this whole imaginary world of Trump as a hero.

Check out the “artist” Jon McNaughton for more insanity.