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President COVID-45 Holds Rally and Wants to Kiss ‘Guys’ and ‘Beautiful Women’

Illustration for article titled President COVID-45 Holds Rally and Wants to Kiss ‘Guys’ and ‘Beautiful Women’
Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty Images)

President Superspreader just can’t keep his COVID-19 to himself. On Monday, not only did the president, who claims that he’s immune to the disease caused by the coronavirus, hold a campaign rally in Florida but, at one point, he claimed that he wanted to kiss everyone in the audience.

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“I feel so powerful… I’ll kiss everyone in that audience. I’ll kiss the guys and the beautiful women,” he said, the New York Post reports. “I’ll just give you a big fat kiss.”

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What the hell is wrong with this man? Don’t answer that we already know: racism.

According to the Post, “Trump was about 20 minutes into his speech in front of thousands of supporters at an airport hanger in Sanford when he made the offer to kiss the audience members.”

Trump then continued claiming that he’s a goddamn superhuman because his bounce back from his bout with COVID-19 is proof. The way Trump sees it, COVID-19 and Trump met up in a dark alley and Trump beat the shit out the coronavirus with nothing but the toughness of his weathered basketball skin and his lacefront rather than the best healthcare that taxpayers can buy.

“They say you’re immune. I don’t know for how long. Some people say for life, some people say for four months,” he said. The CDC disputes the claim that contracting the virus makes you immune. They also say that you shouldn’t be running around and possibly spreading that shit, but the rules don’t apply when you have a doctor who will write a note for you.

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Trump also clowned Democrats for being afraid to fight COVID-19 like a man or whatever it is the president believes himself to be.

“The lockdowns are doing tremendous damage to these Democrat-run states,” he said.

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The Post notes that earlier in the rally, Trump noted that he’d offer the country the treatment he received at Walter Reed Medical Center, which is absolutely bullshit.

“We’re going to take whatever the hell they gave me and distribute it around to hospitals, everyone is going to have the same damn thing,” he said.

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Why, oh why didn’t he just mainline the bleach or bring the light inside the body?

And what the fuck is happening here???

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

something something toxic masculinity something something trolling something something this is a fucking death cult.

Like what even is this?  Like, I like asking trumpers what even is Trumps policies going forward and either it’s some regurgitated bullshit or they really don’t care beyond “owning da libs.”