Archangel Gabriel was throwing his first cookout at his new house, and he invited everyone. God was nervous when he walked into Gabe’s house because while he saw mounds of raw chicken, he didn’t see much seasoning. God noticed deviled eggs with no orange sprinkles on top. He noticed macaroni with Velveeta slices on top getting ready to go into the oven. Feeling lightheaded, God walked out to the backyard and vomited.
Thus, Florida was born.
Florida, usually the answer to “What’s that smell?” continues to be the bane of God’s existence, after Gov. Ron DeSantis waited until the first day of Pride Month to sign a ban on transgender girls competing in girls and women’s sports.
And of course, this was done at a Jacksonville Christian school, because nothing says Christian like an Anglo-Saxon banning of gay rights.
“We believe in the state of Florida protecting the fairness and integrity of women’s athletics,” said DeSantis, who was on stage Tuesday with several teenage girl athletes at the Trinity Christian Academy, the Orlando Sentinel reports. “... I can tell you that in Florida, girls are going to play girls’ sports and boys are going to play boys’ sports.”
“Appalling,” wrote state Rep. Carlos Guillermo Smith (D-Orlando) on Twitter, the Sentinel reports.
“First day of LGBTQ Pride Month and Gov. Ron DeSantis signs SB 1028 which bans trans kids from school sports. FHSAA has allowed trans kids to participate in FL since 2013 with ZERO problems. This fuels transphobia and puts vulnerable kids at risk for no good reason.”
Advocates and idiots claim that the law prevents unfair advantages in competition; critics and real Christians note that the ban is discriminatory AF and unnecessary because there is no issue in Florida with transgenders playing high school or college sports. And, because Florida is America’s butthole, any transgender girls who were playing sports would be kicked off their teams. Human Rights Watch announced Tuesday it plans to file a lawsuit to overturn it, the Sentinel reports.
And get this: “The deadline for the bill to be signed into law was June 12, the five-year anniversary of the Pulse nightclub shootings in Orlando that killed 49 people at a gay nightclub.”
DeSantis swears that signing the ban on the first day of Pride Month was not on purpose.
“It’s not a message to anything other than saying we’re going to protect fairness and women’s sports,” DeSantis said.
The governor also noted that he didn’t care if the NCAA pulled events or if the state lost sports championships because of the bill.
“Some of these organizations say they’re not going to hold events if you do this, just let me say very clearly, in Florida, we’re going to do what’s right, will stand up to corporations, they are not going to dictate the policies in this state,” DeSantis said. “We will stand up to groups like the NCAA, who think that they should be able to dictate the policies in different states.”
The bill’s sponsor, Sen. Kelli Stargel (R-Lakeland) said at the event, “We all know that men are stronger than women.”
“I’ve always heard as a kid, ‘You run like a girl,’” she said of a video played at the event of Selina Soule, a Connecticut track athlete who sued over transgender girls competing in high school girls’ sports. “And when you’re looking at that video, it’s evident the woman, the transgender woman who competed, or self-identified woman, ran very differently than the others in the competition. It’s physiologically different. Men are stronger, they have bigger lung capacity, stronger muscles.”
Stargel’s own daughter, Laura, wrote an op-ed in the Orlando Sentinel against the ban and urged DeSantis to grow a pair of ovaries.
“Excluding transgender children from sports will exacerbate feelings of discrimination and severely impact their mental and physical health,” Laura Stargel wrote. “ I played sports all throughout middle, high school and college ... Not once did I stop to consider what gender my teammates were assigned at birth.”
At this point, Florida is going to Florida and hopefully they Florida their ass right the fuck off the map.