Photo: Eduardo Munoz Alvarez (Getty Images)

While many media outlets continue to refer to President Donald Trump’s former attorney Michael Cohen as a fixer, it is becoming increasingly apparent that Cohen couldn’t fix shit. Everything Cohen allegedly “fixed”—including Stormy Daniels payment, the Russian real estate deals and his entire presidential partnership with silent partner Vladimir Putin—remains decidedly broken.

And, like his pal Putin, not only did Cohen pay a techie to create bots and rig a poll to name Trump the greatest business leader of his time, it didn’t even work. Trump didn’t even make the top 100. Cohen then went back to the same man again—because if it didn’t work the first time, it only makes sense to go back to the same person for another go at it—to try and manipulate a poll to elevate Trump’s presidential campaign. This also didn’t work.

In a scathing report by The Wall Street Journal, Cohen reportedly paid John Gauger, the owner of RedFinch Solutions LLC, between $12,000 and $13,000 for activities related to Trump’s campaign, including “trying unsuccessfully to manipulate two online polls in Mr. Trump’s favor.”

But get this: Cohen also asked someone to create a Twitter account called “@WomenForCohen,” calling him “Strong, pit bull, sex symbol, no nonsense, business oriented, and ready to make a difference!” And because Cohen is nothing if not a snake, he overcharged Trump for his services.

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That’s right Cohen only paid somewhere between $12,000 and $13,000 to allegedly rig two online polls—which didn’t work— and then charged Trump $50,000 for his work and then stiffed Gauger on the payments.

From CNN:

In making the claim, Gauger told the paper he wasn’t fully paid for the work, though the Journal said Cohen was reimbursed $50,000 — the amount the two originally agreed on for Gauger’s services — by the Trump Organization. Gauger, according to the paper, also received a boxing glove “worn by a Brazilian mixed-martial arts fighter” along with the cash payment.

The paper said that Cohen denied paying Gauger in cash, instead telling the Journal that “all monies paid to Mr. Gauger were by check” and declining to comment further. The Trump Organization did not comment. Rudy Giuliani, an attorney for Trump, told the paper that the allegation that Cohen received more money than what he paid to Gauger shows he’s a “thief.”

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Cohen confirmed to CNN that the WSJ account of events was accurate adding that all of his actions were “at the direction of and for the sole benefit of Donald J. Trump. I truly regret my blind loyalty to a man who doesn’t deserve it.”

According to the WSJ, Gauger claims that Cohen approached him in early 2014 to create a bot that voted for Trump in a CNBC online survey naming the top business leaders and a 2015 Drudge Report poll ranking potential Republican candidates. Gauger’s efforts for the CNBC and Drudge Report poll were unsuccessful. Trump only won 5 percent of the Drudge poll’s votes and finished out of the top 100 in the CNBC poll.

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Trump reportedly paid Cohen for his ineffective efforts around the same time that he was given $130,000 repayment for hush money paid to a woman who allegedly had an affair with Trump.

While the poll-rigging proved unsuccessful, the WomenforCohen Twitter account is still active and claims that it’s just a bunch of “Women who love and support Michael Cohen”

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And the account has posts like this:

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It’s kind of amazing.

Considering Cohen is going to prison for some three years let’s hope that this account lands him some pen pals.