Screenshot: WMBD

A white Illinois man called the police and told them a black man had stolen his car with a baby inside. Spoiler alert: He was lying his ass off.

According to KWQC, an Amber Alert had been out for a one-year-old child for at least half a day before police confirmed on Sunday that Mitchell Dutz had been lying “after he was allegedly robbed during a drug deal.”

Bruh.

Can you imagine the sheer and irrepressible motherfucking gall it would take to not only call the police to help you after your ass got got during a drug deal … but to then fabricate a whole kidnapping? And then blame a black man? White folks: On one since the beginning of time.

According to police, the 24-year-old black man who had been publicly named as a perpetrator “was not involved in any way,” and the child was completely fine the whole time.

I can’t even say I don’t totally understand—we know everyone eats that shit up when the “a black man did it” story is the driving force. But what in the world could have been going through Dutz’s mind for him to think, “Damn, my illegal drug shit just fell through—better call the police?” Apparently, Dutz was trying to get some revenge after his ass got robbed. Fool.

Police are investigating what actually happened (beyond the fact that their asses got hoodwinked) and apparently have Dutz in custody for the hoax. KWQC writes, “Dutz is facing several charges, including Residential Burglary, False Police Report, False Representation of Police Statement, False 911 Call and various other charges are pending.”

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I hope they lock his raggedy ass up—bad at crime and bad at lying. Just failing at being a white man on all counts.