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Kellyanne Conway and Don Jr. Gentrify MLK Day With Raisin and Mayo-Laced Bullshit

Illustration for article titled Kellyanne Conway and Don Jr. Gentrify MLK Day With Raisin and Mayo-Laced Bullshit
Photo: Alex Wong (Getty Images)

Much like cornrows, hips, lips, asses and black men who play basketball, white people love some Martin Luther King Jr. Once a year, they co-opt the holiday observed in his name and act like they loved him his whole life. Studies taken by Me and Me—more formally called Me (I did the study)—show that white people only use the name Martin Luther King Jr. twice a year: once on the holiday celebrating his birth and the other to justify their racism. Usually, most white people save up their MLK references and use them all up on the third Monday in January to kill two civil rights leaders on one balcony.

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On Monday, White House counselor Kellyanne Conway said MLK would be against her racist ass boss’ impeachment.

“I don’t think it was within Dr. King’s vision to have Americans dragged through a process where the president is not going to be removed from office, is not being charged with bribery, extortion, high crimes or misdemeanors,” she told reporters on Monday, the Washington Post reports.

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Did you hear that? Kellyanne Conway doesn’t believe that the man who spent 20 years of his life as a civil rights activist would’ve wanted to see the most divisive president—who is currently stealing money from other programs to keep brown people out of the country—impeached because he wouldn’t want the country dragged through the impeachment process.

Wait one second, my cell phone is ringing.  

Me: Hello.

Person: What’s up, playboy? MLK here.

Me: Kinggg! What it do, baybeeeeeee?

King: Ain’t shit! But tell Lil Half-Dead that I don’t fuck with her or her boss.

Never one to let a public embarrassment go without joining the fray, Don Jr. took time out of his busy day playing Call of Duty in his underwear to tweet:

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Needless to say, Al Gore’s internet didn’t take too kindly to Not-Ivanka juxtaposing Dr. King with the Doctor of Colored Hatred.

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Melania also tweeted something, but I have trouble reading “kept Slovakian white woman.”

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The funniest part of Conway’s comments is that they were in response to why the White House didn’t do anything special for MLK.

“NBC News correspondent Geoff Bennett asked Conway why the president’s public schedule of events on Monday did not include any functions meant to commemorate King,” the Post reports.

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“The president…agrees with many of the things that Dr. Martin Luther King stood for and agreed with for many years, including unity and equality,” she said. “He’s not the one tearing the country apart through an impeachment process and a lack of substance that really is very shameful at this point.”

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Because Kellyanne Conway is an accidental troll, her comments didn’t go over well on social media. I call Conway an “accidental troll” because I truly believe that she believes the bullshit that she spouts.

From the Post:

Sherrilyn Ifill, president of the NAACP Legal Defense Fund, called the remark an “embarrassingly incompetent answer.” Trump, she suggested, has in fact strayed far from King’s legacy — by redefining the presidency and pushing it away from leadership.

“He just gets to tweet whatever he wants that he thinks will put him in a better political position,” she said on MSNBC. “We don’t need Mr. Trump to lead us in knowing what to do around equality and justice.”

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And, because the president is an egomaniacal asshole, he took to Twitter to note that Martin Luther King Jr. Day was the three-year anniversary of his inauguration. Oh, and because Trump can’t stop pointing out how well he does with the blacks, he also noted that MLK Day was an “appropriate” occasion to note that because of him, unemployment numbers for African Americans are “the LOWEST in the history of our Country,” even though a “Washington Post-Ipsos poll last week found that most black Americans don’t believe he deserves credit for those economic successes.”

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“So appropriate that today is also MLK jr DAY. African-American Unemployment is the LOWEST in the history of our Country, by far,” Trump wrote on Twitter. “Also, best Poverty, Youth, and Employment numbers, ever. Great!”

The Post notes that Trump is full of shit, adding that he was sued in the 1970s for housing discrimination against blacks. He also is hated by all black women who wear shell jewelry and refer to their privates as “yonis.” He is moderately loved by adult black men who are gamers and live with their mothers and completely embraced by black men and women who have never gotten their hair professionally cared for.

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Ifill added that if King were alive he’d be fighting against voter suppression, and Harvard University scholar Cornel West, appearing on CNN, added that Dr. King would have fought against Trump all the way.

“I would tell my dear sister Kelly: Your boss is a gangster,” West said. “Martin loves both of you, so do I, but we’re fighting against both of you.”

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Conway also took a moment to stop all this talk about Dr. King to talk about her second favorite person: Herself.

“I appreciate the fact that we as a nation respect him by giving him his own day. I’m happy to share a birthday with this day,” the now 53-year-old said. I won’t face shame, but Kellyanne Conway is 53. For reference, Viola Davis is 54. Let that sink in.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

Can any MAGA hat wearing chudmonkey, dumbfuck tell me what that putrid bag of flab has done for black Americans? Oh don’t you dare mention the economy since that dunderheaded, triple chinned moron can take no credit for it since he has done nothing to improve wages. It is a credit to Barack that he left such a strong economy behind that even a proven failure like Mr. Mega Chin couldn’t fuck it up. Oh spare me the Kim Kardashian bullshit also. That was a photo op between two liposuction candidates, one that has had it and one that desperately needs it.