Trigger Warning: This article contains descriptions of sexual assault and violence.
There is no human way to read Kehlaniβs post this week without shivers running down your spine or bile rising in your throat. In a since-deleted post on Instagram, the grammy award-nominated singer opened-up about being sexually assaulted while leaving her London show.
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βI donβt care how sexual you deem my music, my performances, my fun with my friends dancing at clubs, or MEβ¦ That does not give any of you the right to cross a boundary like sticking your hands up my skirt & pulling my underwear to TOUCH MY GENITALS as I am being escorted through a crowd after performing. This sβ made me sick to my stomach. As a victim of sexual assault, I am endlessly triggered and mindblown,β wrote the singer.
Her post highlights something Iβve thought about often, but have struggled to articulate.
Why is it in our society that when someone owns their sexuality in a public space, that our culture begins to treat them like public property?
News flash: someone being sexual does not preclude them from having boundaries, even if you disagree with them.
And this isnβt just about Kehlani.
Look at Megan Thee Stallion. Sheβs a Black woman owning her sexuality, her intelligence and her worth publicly. But instead of protecting her in her most vulnerable moments, sheβs being dragged by the likes of Drake and the dregs of social media.
For some reason, itβs ok for a man to physically abuse and shoot her because in the eyes of men with a podcast mic, sheβs lost her right to personhood.
This obviously isnβt the only dynamic going-on with Megan Thee Stallionβs case (colorism is clearly lurking its ugly head in there), but itβs definitely a part of it.
The idea that expressing yourself sexually somehow denies you a right to personhood is a pervasive part of our society. And, it matters that Kehlani is speaking publicly about this dynamic because it never stops at our favorite celebrities.
If youβve ever been asked what you were wearing or if you gave β bad energy,β after your physical boundaries were violated, then you know exactly what Iβm talking about.
So good on Kehlani for calling it out.
If you or someone you know are in need of support, please reach out to RAINNβs 24/7 National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 for confidential support and resources.
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