Illustration for article titled Joe Biden Really Needs to Sit His Ass Down Somewhere
Photo: Olivier Douliery (Getty Images)

Former Vice President Joe Biden won’t stop all this tough-talking stuff, and he’s literally becoming the walking meme of himself.

Illustration for article titled Joe Biden Really Needs to Sit His Ass Down Somewhere

During the “It’s on Us” anti-sexual-assault rally that Biden attended Tuesday at the University of Miami, Biden told students that he would’ve “beat the hell out” of Donald Trump if they had gone to school together.

“A guy who ended up becoming our national leader said, ‘I can grab a woman anywhere and she likes it,’” hero Biden said, Yahoo! News reports. “They asked me if I’d like to debate this gentleman, and I said no. I said, ‘If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.’

“I’ve been in a lot of locker rooms my whole life,” Biden continued. “I’m a pretty damn good athlete. Any guy that talked that way was usually the fattest, ugliest SOB in the room.”

What in the entire fuck is Joe Biden talking about? If he wanted to beat the president, he should’ve run for office. Other than that, he kind of needs to kindly sit his old ass down somewhere because he’s starting to sound like Napoleon Dynamite’s uncle who once asked his nephew if he wanted to see him throw a football behind him.


The kids call this kind of talk pump faking, and Biden is looking like former New York Knicks forward Charles Smith, the most nondunking big man not named Othella Harrington.

Yahoo! News notes that the 47th vice president mentioned the success of the #MeToo movement but added that there was still more work to do.


“Sexual assault is about power and the abuse of power more than it is about sex,” he said before going on to tell women in the audience that they should arm themselves with more resources.

“It’s not just on the men. It’s on you women, as well, on campus,” Biden said. “All the studies show that 95 percent of young women who are abused—the first person they tell is their roommate, their friend, someone on campus. You’ve got to inform yourself as to what facilities are available, what help is available; not just empathize, hug and say, ‘I’m so sorry.’ You have an obligation to be informed.”


Until Biden offers a better apology to Anita Hill for allowing her to be berated by Republicans during a 1991 Senate Judiciary Committee appearance, in which Hill claimed that then-Judge Clarence Thomas sexually harassed her during the two years she worked for him at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, then he can miss me with all of his empty #MeToo talk.

And while he’s at it, he can work to change the makeup of the world instead of talking about what an athlete he used to be and how he’d kick the president’s ass. If he really wants to change something, then do something, because at this point, Uncle Joe is starting to become the old man no one believes when he tells stories of who he used to be and what he would’ve done.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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