I don’t know if you’ve ever had the privilege of meeting a black person, but outside of ensuring that we remain moisturized at all times, one of our favorite pastimes is discussing black movies.
Over drinks and raucous laughter, you might catch us deconstructing the elevator stare down from 1992’s Juice, or blurting out, “Can’t nobody sang like Eddie King Jr!,” or reliving the legendary dance sequence from 1990’s House Party.
We’re black. This is what we do.
So imagine doing exactly that, reminiscing on the late Eartha Kitt’s sexually charged portrayal of Boomerang seductress Lady Eloise, when some white lady materializes out of thin air and taps into her mutant power of not minding her motherfucking business.
According to Yahoo, that’s exactly what happened.
“My cousin and I were visiting my best friend from out of state and we stopped by Target to buy a phone charger,” one of the victims of Target Tammy’s mayonnaise mayhem told Yahoo. “I told my friend to try on a hat that looked like something Eartha Kitt’s character would wear in the film, and she said no because her character had sex with a younger man.”
That’s when this happened:
Apparently, the antagonistic alabastress overheard the word “sex” and proceeded to berate the cadre of Target shoppers who just so happen to have excellent taste in cinema.
“You don’t belong here!” Privileged Peggy howled, “You were talking about sex in public! Are you having sex in public? Because that’s what you screamed out loud.”
Which, of course, initiated a confrontation between the Wielders of Black Girl Magic and their rhythmless rival.
“Where is your hearing aid today, honey?” One of the black women said mid-eye roll. “Because you are not hearing well today.”
That’s when Seasonless Sarah tapped into another one of her mutant powers: subterfuge.
“I understand you’re an abuser. I understand you’re abusive and you make up lies,” she taunted. “I know you’re trained on lying, you’re trained liars. You’re perfect for the court system.”
Thankfully Target employees descended on the scene and were able to diffuse the situation. But not without MAGA Meghan evolving into her final form: White Tears.
She tells Yahoo Lifestyle that the male employee tried to calm [Target Tammy] down, but she was uncooperative and refused to leave. The other employee allegedly helped the friends with their purchase. “When we left, the woman was still speaking to the employee and playing victim,” she says.
However, despite All Lives Matter Aubrey’s foolishness, the victims told Yahoo that they were pleased with how Target handled the situation and that they plan to send a thank-you card to the employee who sent Raggedy Ann on her merry way: “The employees could have easily kicked us all out of the store, but they took the time to listen.”
Black Twitter had some thoughts on this as well:
Sadly, Target Tammy was unavailable for comment.