Trameka Brown-Berry via Facebook screenshot

I think it was the esteemed Founding Father Benjamin Franklin who once wrote, “Nothing in this world can be said to be certain except death, taxes and white people white-peopleing.”

I may have added the last part, but it is definitely true. What else could explain a teacher asking a fourth-grade class to give three good reasons for slavery? But that’s exactly what happened at a Wisconsin private school.

According to Fox 6, administrators at Our Redeemer Lutheran School in Wauwatosa apologized to parents after students brought home an assignment asking them to name three good reasons and three bad reasons for slavery. One parent, Trameka Brown-Berry, found the assignment offensive and posted it to her Facebook page.

“It’s highly offensive and insensitive. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe they sent something like that home,” said Brown-Berry, apparently able to contain the God-given slapping-the-shit-out-of-fourth-grade-teachers instinct gifted to most black mothers.

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School Principal Jim Van Dellen admitted that the assignment was “out of line” in a letter to parents, explaining that the assignment was intended to “spark debate.”

“The purpose of the assignment was not, in ANY way, to have students argue that ANY slavery is acceptable, a concept that goes against our core values about the equality and worth of people of all races,” the letter read, despite the fact that the explicit instructions of the assignment were to ask students to argue about the acceptance of slavery.

Fox 6 via Facebook screenshot

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The letter added that “moving forward,” blah, blah, blah ... because the Caucasian default position is always to “move forward” after committing an act that can only be described as “fuckshit” (an actual word in the Merriam Webster Secret Dictionary of Caucasian Excuses).

When the instruction to give “three good reasons for slavery” was presented to teachers at the Our Redeemer School of Catching Deez Hands, our educational experts came up with an actual answer:

  1. to build an international economic superpower without the necessity of sweat dripping from the brows of the great white race
  2. evil
  3. because ... white people

Moving forward, we suggest that any teacher asking 9-year-olds to equivocate about the positive benefits of enslaving, torturing and raping other human beings should receive an apple a day ...

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... shoved up their racist, white supremacist, subconsciously biased anuses.

Read more at Fox 6.