You do not know anyone as stupid as Donald Trump.
Even if you know a baboon with a head injury or have an uncle who dropped out of school in the first semester of kindergarten to pursue a career in the lucrative glue-eating sector, I can guarantee that they are not as rockheadedly dumb as America’s barren-brained embarrassment of a president.
On Wednesday, supplemental visual and written evidence of Donald Trump’s addle-minded stupidity came in the form of photographs taken as the president stopped to deliver a nonsensical rant before boarding Air Force One and heading wherever stupid people go to do stupid things. Probably Narnia. Or Mississippi.
Oh, wait. It was an Apple factory, according to NBC:
President Donald Trump, departing the White House on his way to Texas to visit an Apple factory, stopped in front of reporters to defend himself amid U.S. Ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland’s testimony Wednesday by reading from hand-written notes insisting he did not want a “quid pro quo.”
Trump began reading notes of what he says he spoke about during an early September phone call with Sondland, who was trying to figure out whether the roughly $400 million in military aid was being linked to whether Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy would publicly announce investigations into the Bidens and a debunked conspiracy involving Democrats and the 2016 election.
At least some of Trump’s talking points were captured by a Reuters photographer outside the White House.
Yes, this dumb motherfucker lies so much that he needs crib notes! Let’s examine them for a minute because 5 things really stand out.
- He wrote them in magic marker: The Root has previously reported on Trump’s preference for writing with a Presidential Sharpie in our groundbreaking hurricane coloring book investigative report. But even though you can buy fine-tipped Sharpies, Donald Trump apparently prefers magic markers. That ain’t Sharpie-writing, dawg. Those words were penned with one of those big, square-tipped permanent markers that are used to draw on poster boards for third-grade science projects. He probably sniffs them to get high.
- He spelled Zelensky wrong: The first time I wrote about Ukraine, I had a long fight discussion with Senior Editor Angela Bronner Helm about the correct way to spell the president’s name. Selensky, Zelenski, Zelenskii, Zelenskiy, Zelensky, Zelenskyi, or Zelenskyy are all correct translations. My point is, that it is almost impossible to misspell Zelensky, but Trump somehow managed to do it.
- This sentence: “This is the final word from the president of the U.S.” This dude really thinks he’s a king.
- He’s scared AF: If there is anyone who is well-practiced at lying, it is Donald Trump. Donald Trump is the Michael Jordan of lying (He always rebounds, he devastated NY and he doesn’t really fuck with anyone in the black community). We’ve seen him improvise his bullshittery on many occasions. The only reason Trump needs bullet points for lies is that he knows he’s in deep shit.
- He’s lying: Never in the history of motherfuckers has a motherfucker ever said: “I want no quid pro quo.” That’s not how quid pro quo works. Or motherfuckers. It’s like Comcast telling the Supreme Court: “Byron Allen told us that he really wants to be disparately impacted. That’s what he said.”
Here is the full text of Trump’s notes:
Ambassador Sondland says: What do you want from Ukraine? I keep hearing all these different ideas and theories. What do you want? It was a very short abrupt conversation. He was not in a good mood. He just said: I want nothing. I want nothing. I want no quid pro quo. Tell Zillinsky (sp) to do the right thing. This is the final word from the president of the United States.
Also, The Root was able to get this actual footage of Trump preparing his talking points.