You know who really doesn’t give a shit about who wins this Georgia Senate election runoff? The president of people who believe in the seductive powers of Mountain Dew. This man went all the way down to Georgia on the heels of a leaked call in which the president did his best Michael Corleone impersonation, telling Georgia’s secretary of state to fuck with the votes until he won. “I just want to find 11,780 votes,” the president can be heard saying on the call that was taped and then leaked to the Washington Post, because awesome.
And during the rally in which the president was supposed to be drumming up votes for Sens. Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue to retain control of the Senate, Trump, aka the white people’s champ, strolled on stage and spouted without a hint of irony or self-reflection, “Hello, Georgia. By the way, there is no way we lost Georgia. There’s no way. That was a rigged election. But we are still fighting it.”
And what about Loeffler and Perdue, you know, the reason Trump was having a rally in Georgia in the first place? Trump had this to say: “Who the fuck are these people and were they in on the election steal because you know I won Georgia?”
No, seriously, Trump had this to say: “Seriously, who the fuck are these people?”
No, seriously, seriously, Trump had this to say: “People will remember the people who don’t support us,” Trump said issuing a vague threat to Republican lawmakers who will vote to certify President-elect Joe Biden’s Electoral College votes.
Maybe I’m missing his rally for Loeffler and Perdue but, I’m sure he said something.
Wait, found something: “We’ve had a lot of corrupt things happen,” the president said. “One thing that I’ve learned about Republicans, they have some difficulties. But you know a difficulty that they don’t have? They never forget. They never forget. And people are going to find that out.”
OK, that was still about losing the election. Maybe Trump has something to say about why he was there since he doesn’t seem to give a shit about Loeffler or Perdue.
“I don’t do rallies for other people,” the president later said. “I do them for me.”
Leader of the Proud Boys (which I think would sound way tougher if they added a “z” to “boyz”) was arrested for beating up a Black Lives Matter flag and burning it because nothing says tough guy like yanking down a helpless piece of fabric and setting it ablaze.
Henry “Enrique” Tarrio, 36, was arrested by Metropolitan Police Department officers, who were standing around when they saw an animated dude in a polo shirt go all ape shit on a flag. Apparently, the Proud Boys were in Washington to protest the high cost of polo shirts during a goddamn pandemic. OK, fine they were in town to protest Congress certifying Biden’s Electoral College win. Apparently, Tarrio was walking near Asbury United Methodist Church in downtown Washington, D.C., when a Black Lives Matter flag was like, “Sup, bitch.”
Not being one to let a banner talk crazy to him, Tarrio poured an accelerant (of course he had an accelerant on him; you don’t?) on the banner and taught it a lesson about respect.
All eyes are on Georgia, as they should be, and if our lord and savior Stacey Abrams can pull of another miracle and use the power of her milkshake to bring Southerners to the voting yard, then everyone (those making less than $75,000) can expect a $2,000 stimmy in their bank accounts, aka:
“President-elect Joe Biden told Georgia voters on Monday that $2,000 stimulus checks would be sent out to struggling Americans right away if the state votes for Democratic candidates Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff in U.S. Senate runoffs,” Business Insider reports.
Biden promised, during his speech in Atlanta, Ga., at exactly 3:27 p.m., that if Warnock and Ossoff won the runoffs, “that money will go out the door immediately to help people who are in real trouble.”
Come on, Georgia, we need this. I’m trying to eat Louis Vuitton pancakes and make my Cup O’ Noodles with Evian.