GTFOH Trump Watch: Old Man Trump Just Keeps Babbling to Himself

Illustration for article titled GTFOH Trump Watch: Old Man Trump Just Keeps Babbling to Himself
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

It’s hard to let go of the past.

Napoleon Dynamite’s uncle was so enamored by his own football past that he once offered to throw a football over a mountain. George Jefferson would tell anyone who listened that he came from nothing to owning seven, that’s right, seven dry cleaners. And don’t let any of this distract you from the fact that in 1966, Al Bundy scored four touchdowns in the championship game.

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The past can be a bitter mistress haunting every turn. The president has lost the election. The eviction notice is on the door. His goose has been cooked and now he’s a lame duck. And none of this has stopped the old coot from reminiscing about his 2016 election win (just think about how many times in the past four years we had to hear about Hillary) and his bogus claims of election fraud. At this point, the president isn’t even getting dressed. He’s just walking around the White House in a robe and house shoes talking to the house plants about how the election was stolen from him.

And when the plants stop listening to him, he takes to Twitter.

President Trump did get one thing right in this tweet. Brian Kemp is a hapless governor, but he’s also a Trump sycophant, and if anyone was willing to break the rules to help Trump win, it would be Kemp, and even he was like, “Nah, playboy.”

The election is over. So over that Melania is already on Craigslist looking for an apartment near her boyfriend. It’s so over that South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham has broken down his sleeping cage and put it into his Honda Civic. It’s so over that even Republican PornHub, aka Fox News, is hitting Trump with the “Really, playboy? This again?” face when he calls into to rehash his claims of rampant voter fraud with no actual proof.

In his first interview since his humiliating election loss, Trump called into some stone-faced white woman’s show on Republican SpankBang and claimed that he has “not seen anything” from the DOJ or the Federal Bureau of Investigation on investigating the 2020 election.

“You would think if you’re in the FBI or Department of Justice, this is the biggest thing you could be looking at,” Trump said. “Where are they? I’ve not seen anything.

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“They just keep moving along and they go on to the next president,” he continued.

Yes, because that’s kind of how elections work when there are no signs of voter fraud. So basically, everyone in the White House is doing exactly what the rest of America does when the old man starts spouting out crazy shit about his past; we are walking away until he has no one left to talk to.

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Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

DISCUSSION

At this point, I think Trump is genuinely confused as to why the entire U.S. Government isn’t fighting tooth and nail to keep him in power. He really thinks he’s done a good job, by some undefined metrics, and that people are just too cowardly or confused to do anything to help him.

The man is fucking insane.