GTFOH Trump Watch: How Do You Get Fired With Only 2 Months to Go?

Illustration for article titled GTFOH Trump Watch: How Do You Get Fired With Only 2 Months to Go?
Photo: ROBYN BECK (Getty Images)

If you are anything like us, you can’t wait for the day that President COVID-45 (Billy Dee Williams voice) is Jazzy Jeff’d out of the White House, so consider this a countdown of sorts. What you will find here is all of the fuckery, tricks, scams, hanging chads, snowflakes, tears, and bullshitery that is going on in the final days of the White House. We assure you that it will be lively.

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Loser Shit

Ever heard of Emily Murphy?

Yeah, me neither.

Turns out that Murphy is the administrator of the General Services Administration.

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Basically, she’s a well-paid officer manager in charge of federal buildings and she’s supposed to be getting the White House in shape for its new guests. But Murphy is working in the Trump White House, which means she’s not doing shit. No, really, she’s not doing anything.

According to the Washington Post, Murphy is supposed to “sign paperwork officially turning over millions of dollars, as well as give access to government officials, office space in agencies and equipment authorized for the taxpayer-funded transition teams of the winner.”

All of this is supposed to happen after the winner of the presidential election is announced.

“But by Sunday evening, almost 36 hours after media outlets projected Biden as the winner, GSA Administrator Emily Murphy had written no such letter. And the Trump administration, in keeping with the president’s failure to concede the election, has no immediate plans to sign one” the Post reports. “This could lead to the first transition delay in modern history,” all because Trump won’t accept that he got his ass beat by Black women who voted overwhelmingly to oust his ass.

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How Do You Get Fired With Two Months Left to Go Before the Shop Closes?

Imagine you’re an assistant manager of security of the khaki wall at Gap and you learn that America has voted for Gap to be put out of the mall in favor of a Victoria’s Secret. Then you learn that with two months to go before the entire Gap closes that you’ve been fired. Then you learn that after your firing, someone has been promoted to assistant manager of security of the khaki wall and the entire fucking Gap is closing in two months.

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That’s exactly what happened in the Trump administration. Trump fired Defense Secretary Mark Esper on Monday and then announced Chris Miller will be the acting secretary of defense.

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Esper was reportedly heard saying, “Fuck your funky ass khaki wall” on the way out of the White House.

Speaking of Jobs

The Trump administration doesn’t even want to hear that people inside the White House are reportedly looking for jobs. And, if they do hear about it, then your ass is getting fired at least according to rumors coming from the White House.

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Oh, and Another Person Close to Trump Got Dat Rona

Bloomberg News’ senior White House reporter tweeted out the deets:

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Trump, Much Like Popeyes Chicken Sandwiches, Just Won’t Go Down Quietly

My fingers don’t even want to type this, but Satan’s favorite ingrown toenail is considering another run at the White House in 2024, according to Axios. It means two things: First, that he’s got to accept that he’s lost this election and, second, that he just won’t let America be great.

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I know that you are thinking there is some rule against this (trust me, I looked it up and there isn’t) but a president can only serve two terms but they aren’t required to run consecutively. So for now, it’s legal unless President-elect Biden can get into office and make it so that it can’t happen. I don’t care how illegal it is and how much it can’t happen, in the words of NeNe Leakes when she got those really big teeth:

Gif: giphy.com

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

sixtail
Foxstar loves Bashcraft

He’s gonna have a hell of time doing that from a jail cell or from under a overpass. His debtors an’t gonna wait four years. Even if he quits and Pence pardons his ass, state charges can not be wiped away.

The biggest thing on the GOP’s slate to do is to pour everything into GA, lest they get sidelined. There’s a few that will pay lip service to him still, but Mitch is busy drawing up plans to make life as hard as he can on Biden. This isn’t just a ‘lame duck session’ this is the rats running for dear life.